Hello, Cyber-sphere
It's been too long...
So much has changed in life.... and yet not.... since I last wrote. The devotionals I copied down and commented on are still truths of life and God, but both have a funny way of reminding us what we said. For instance, I just re-read my last post - funny how we can write something, forget about it, re-discover it, and be re-encouraged by it.
What I really want to write about now is the glory of what it means to be a human being, totally devoted to God, screwing up on a daily basis, yet still have a creator who has the grace to continually use us for His glory in spite of it all.
Sara Groves sings this truth that has recently lifted me up and reminded me of the purpose we hold on this earth: "You are the sun/ shining down on everyone/ light of the world/ giving light to everything I see/ Beauty so brilliant/ I can hardly take it in/ and everywhere You are is warmth and light/ And I am the moon with no light of my own/ still You have made me to shine/ and as I glow in this cold, dark night/ I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to You." Later the bridge goes on; "Shine on me with Your light/ without You I'm a cold dark stone/ shine on me/ I have no light of my own."
Think about it: the moon, a metaphor for humanity, has two sides to it. We, here on earth, only ever see one side of the moon. There is always that darker side that no one except astronauts get to see, and even their experiences are limited. The moon has no light of it's own - in order for us to see any part of it, we must have the sun. Even though the sun is several hundred million miles away, it is still bright enough that, when a small portion of it's light reaches the moon, the reflective dust on the surface gives us light in the darkness.
By comparison, humanity also has two sides to it. There is the evil, dark, selfish side that we were born into. Without the Son, that is what we would still be like: dark. Without the Son, we are a cold, dark stone, just like the moon. The dark side is something that is always with us, but with the light of the Son, we have the opportunity to shine His light to those around us.
Let me ask you something: What is the purpose of the moon? Please indulge my simplistic mind for a moment here; I mean, I'm no scientist as my parents could well attest to, but aside from having something to do with the tides in the ocean and the seasons, it's just a ginormous rock floating around this sphere we call Earth.
But that's just it.
We, like the moon, are simply a dark, cold object floating around in the universe. Dark and cold, that is, without the Son. The light that can potentially illuminate us only comes because of something greater than ourselves. We have to work past our darkness, but it still sometimes emerges. Just like a waning moon that loses 'sight' of the sun, when we lost sight of our Son, we too become dark. Like the moon, we move around our world, suspended between what we were born into, the darkness we see daily, and something greater than ourselves or our imaginations. Like the tides that are pulled by the gravity of the moon, our friends, family, and others are drawn to us depending on what 'phase' we are in. The waves of humanity are affected by our light, our gravity, and our distance.
However, unlike the moon, we have a choice. The people we have around us on a daily basis can and do see both sides. Our darkness will probably never go away, at least not this side of eternity. We must fight against it daily; if we don't the darkness rears it's ugly head and we lost the opportunities we have to serve, to love. But are we fighting on our own? What makes us feel like we have to? The Son has a warmth and beauty that we can absorb and reflect. He wants to share it with us, we need only turn our faces to Him.
Look at the moon the next time you are out. It's stunning. If the moon can be that beautiful merely reflecting the sun, what do we look like when we reflect the Son?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Changes
I don't like them....
I mean, I DO welcome them, but I also don't. Does that make sense? I try, really I do, to appreciate the challenges that life throws at me, but it's so hard to stave off the fear, the worry, the unknown creeping up like a snake, just waiting to bite you in the butt.
Don't get me wrong, I love adventure, new people, places, and things, but getting to that point is sometimes harder than expected.
This is what it is to be an adult. These are just a few changes that I want to contemplate:
Family - I think these are some of the hardest changes to adapt to. You have your family from the time you are born to the time you die. They will always be related to you, you will always have fights with them, you will always lose them to a certain extent. Take, for instance, my older brother. As we have grown, we went from being best friends, to worst enemies, to indifferent, back to best friends, now to an indescribable state of differences. We see the world through two different telescopes, limits set at two different heights. My younger sister: used to be the one I couldn't get away from even if I wanted to, now she's the only one I wish to be so much closer to, but now she has her own telescope, her own limits. When did that happen? Something about college and relationships developed within, changes a girl into a woman, one I can't relate to or talk honestly to anymore. My younger brother - sweetest kid in the world who I've always had an awesome relationship with and anticipate always being close to - And my parents: we've had our differences, but who hasn't?
What is it about the passing of years, the moving of households, the marriages, that changes a family so? The children, who come from the same parents, the same upbringing, each end up with their own telescope, all looking at the same world that God made, but all in different directions! Each one sees something different, and becomes convinced that their direction is right, perfect, and the only way to go. Why? When did we become so unmoving and ungracious that there is no room for differing points of view under the same heavenly Father?
Personal - These changes are always enlightening; sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes upsetting. I have recently taken some time to reflect on the many versions of myself that have happened over the years and, let me tell YOU, there have been alot. There was the shy, reserved, yet tenacious and precocious me. There was the depressed me, the one that saw no hope in life and only wanted to die. There has been the loving/loved me, the cheated-on/rejected me, the college freshy me, the ambitious me, and the soul searching me. The me who doubted that God existed, the me who wanted to proclaim to the world that He does.
Then there's the me of now. The still-single me, the me who wants everything the world has to offer, yet struggles with the prudence and wisdom of such desires, the me who has to think about more that just what new clothes to buy or how often I go out to party with friends.
And yet.....
Most days, I'm o.k. with this me. I've learned about patience and frustration, contentment and desire, waiting and going. I've had heartbreak, healing, independence, reliance, rejection, and love. All these things are contributing to the real me - Evolving Me. 'Cause let's face it - If that wasn't the real me, I would have broken a long time ago.
This is the frustration.... and the miracle.... of change. We learn, we adapt, we learn more, we adapt more. If we didn't, what would happen to the human race? What would happen to families, relationships, people? We would crumble. But how, why, are we like that? What is the 'cosmic glue' that holds people together? God. God is love. He created us in His image, His son preached all about it, the disciples preached all about it. We love BECAUSE He first loved us. Not because we have any primal desire to, quite the contrary! The fall of humanity made us hateful, greedy, vengeful, lustful - we lost certain characteristics that God originally made us to have. Yet because of His love for us, our ability to love remains.
Did you know that there are over 200 references in the Bible that have the word 'love' in them? I have yet to do more research on it, some kind of exegesis that will perhaps take place this summer, but I'm pretty sure that says something to us about the nature of God AND about WHY changes happen.
There is change because there is love. There is love because there is God. Therefore, change happens because of God. It's not easy, but I don't remember anything in the Word saying that it would be.
I mean, I DO welcome them, but I also don't. Does that make sense? I try, really I do, to appreciate the challenges that life throws at me, but it's so hard to stave off the fear, the worry, the unknown creeping up like a snake, just waiting to bite you in the butt.
Don't get me wrong, I love adventure, new people, places, and things, but getting to that point is sometimes harder than expected.
This is what it is to be an adult. These are just a few changes that I want to contemplate:
Family - I think these are some of the hardest changes to adapt to. You have your family from the time you are born to the time you die. They will always be related to you, you will always have fights with them, you will always lose them to a certain extent. Take, for instance, my older brother. As we have grown, we went from being best friends, to worst enemies, to indifferent, back to best friends, now to an indescribable state of differences. We see the world through two different telescopes, limits set at two different heights. My younger sister: used to be the one I couldn't get away from even if I wanted to, now she's the only one I wish to be so much closer to, but now she has her own telescope, her own limits. When did that happen? Something about college and relationships developed within, changes a girl into a woman, one I can't relate to or talk honestly to anymore. My younger brother - sweetest kid in the world who I've always had an awesome relationship with and anticipate always being close to - And my parents: we've had our differences, but who hasn't?
What is it about the passing of years, the moving of households, the marriages, that changes a family so? The children, who come from the same parents, the same upbringing, each end up with their own telescope, all looking at the same world that God made, but all in different directions! Each one sees something different, and becomes convinced that their direction is right, perfect, and the only way to go. Why? When did we become so unmoving and ungracious that there is no room for differing points of view under the same heavenly Father?
Personal - These changes are always enlightening; sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes upsetting. I have recently taken some time to reflect on the many versions of myself that have happened over the years and, let me tell YOU, there have been alot. There was the shy, reserved, yet tenacious and precocious me. There was the depressed me, the one that saw no hope in life and only wanted to die. There has been the loving/loved me, the cheated-on/rejected me, the college freshy me, the ambitious me, and the soul searching me. The me who doubted that God existed, the me who wanted to proclaim to the world that He does.
Then there's the me of now. The still-single me, the me who wants everything the world has to offer, yet struggles with the prudence and wisdom of such desires, the me who has to think about more that just what new clothes to buy or how often I go out to party with friends.
And yet.....
Most days, I'm o.k. with this me. I've learned about patience and frustration, contentment and desire, waiting and going. I've had heartbreak, healing, independence, reliance, rejection, and love. All these things are contributing to the real me - Evolving Me. 'Cause let's face it - If that wasn't the real me, I would have broken a long time ago.
This is the frustration.... and the miracle.... of change. We learn, we adapt, we learn more, we adapt more. If we didn't, what would happen to the human race? What would happen to families, relationships, people? We would crumble. But how, why, are we like that? What is the 'cosmic glue' that holds people together? God. God is love. He created us in His image, His son preached all about it, the disciples preached all about it. We love BECAUSE He first loved us. Not because we have any primal desire to, quite the contrary! The fall of humanity made us hateful, greedy, vengeful, lustful - we lost certain characteristics that God originally made us to have. Yet because of His love for us, our ability to love remains.
Did you know that there are over 200 references in the Bible that have the word 'love' in them? I have yet to do more research on it, some kind of exegesis that will perhaps take place this summer, but I'm pretty sure that says something to us about the nature of God AND about WHY changes happen.
There is change because there is love. There is love because there is God. Therefore, change happens because of God. It's not easy, but I don't remember anything in the Word saying that it would be.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
You Must Fight For Your Life: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate.....
Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days, we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us. It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it. Worse, we will begin to accept some really awful things about God. That four-year-old being molested by her daddy - that is "God's will"? That ugly divorce that tore your family apart - God wanted that to happen too? And that plane crash that took the lives of so many - that was ordained by God?
Most people get stuck at some point because God appears to have abandoned them. He is not coming through. Speaking about her life with a mixture of disappointment and cynicism, a young woman recently said to me, "God is rather silent right now." Yes, it's been awful. I don't discount that for a moment. She is unloved; she is unemployed; she is under a lot. But her attitude strikes me as deeply naive, on the level of someone caught in a cross fire who asks, rather shocked and with a sense of betrayal, "God, why won't you make them stop firing at me?" I'm sorry, but that's not where we are right now. It's not where we are in the Story. That day is coming, later, when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and we'll beat swords into plowshares. For now, it's a bloody battle.
It sure explains a whole heckuva lot.
You won't understand your life, you won't see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here, unless you see it as a battle. A war against your heart.
(Waking the Dead, 17-18)
Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days, we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us. It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it. Worse, we will begin to accept some really awful things about God. That four-year-old being molested by her daddy - that is "God's will"? That ugly divorce that tore your family apart - God wanted that to happen too? And that plane crash that took the lives of so many - that was ordained by God?
Most people get stuck at some point because God appears to have abandoned them. He is not coming through. Speaking about her life with a mixture of disappointment and cynicism, a young woman recently said to me, "God is rather silent right now." Yes, it's been awful. I don't discount that for a moment. She is unloved; she is unemployed; she is under a lot. But her attitude strikes me as deeply naive, on the level of someone caught in a cross fire who asks, rather shocked and with a sense of betrayal, "God, why won't you make them stop firing at me?" I'm sorry, but that's not where we are right now. It's not where we are in the Story. That day is coming, later, when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and we'll beat swords into plowshares. For now, it's a bloody battle.
It sure explains a whole heckuva lot.
You won't understand your life, you won't see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here, unless you see it as a battle. A war against your heart.
(Waking the Dead, 17-18)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A Part Too Large: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
The things that have happened to us often suggest that the real script of the play we're all living is "God is indifferent" rather than "God is love." Deep down in our hearts, in the place where the story is formed, this experience of God as indifferent drives us to write our own scripts. Job apparently lived with this anxiety about God even before this tribulations descended upon him, as evidenced bu his exclamation from the ashes of his home and his life: "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me" (Job 3:25, emphasis added).
Job was a God-fearing man and yet something in him suspected that faith in God did no necessarily translate into peace and safety. Of course, Job had no inkling of the discussion going on in heaven between God and Satan. It was a debate over whether the foundation of God's kingdom was based on genuine love or power. And astonishingly, God was placing the perception of his own integrity as well as the reputation of his whole kingdom on the genuineness of Job's heart. (See Job 1:6-12; 2:1-10.)
Indeed, when we consider hos central a part Job was given in the drama God was directing, we are confronted with the reality that we, too, could be in the same position. It seems that the part God has written for us is much too big and certainly too dangerous. Paul confirms this thought in Ephesians when he tells us, "The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence" (1:22-23 The Message). Every human being is of great significance to God, but those whom God has drawn to believe in him are center stage in a drama of cosmic proportions.
(The Sacred Romance, 50, 53)
The things that have happened to us often suggest that the real script of the play we're all living is "God is indifferent" rather than "God is love." Deep down in our hearts, in the place where the story is formed, this experience of God as indifferent drives us to write our own scripts. Job apparently lived with this anxiety about God even before this tribulations descended upon him, as evidenced bu his exclamation from the ashes of his home and his life: "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me" (Job 3:25, emphasis added).
Job was a God-fearing man and yet something in him suspected that faith in God did no necessarily translate into peace and safety. Of course, Job had no inkling of the discussion going on in heaven between God and Satan. It was a debate over whether the foundation of God's kingdom was based on genuine love or power. And astonishingly, God was placing the perception of his own integrity as well as the reputation of his whole kingdom on the genuineness of Job's heart. (See Job 1:6-12; 2:1-10.)
Indeed, when we consider hos central a part Job was given in the drama God was directing, we are confronted with the reality that we, too, could be in the same position. It seems that the part God has written for us is much too big and certainly too dangerous. Paul confirms this thought in Ephesians when he tells us, "The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence" (1:22-23 The Message). Every human being is of great significance to God, but those whom God has drawn to believe in him are center stage in a drama of cosmic proportions.
(The Sacred Romance, 50, 53)
God's Ultimate Glory
So after I've just ranted and raved about dreams and God's plan and such, I found some interesting things in my Bible study:
I have been attempting to read through the Bible, beginning to end. I know some people say that it's a mistake to try it that way, but I'm feeling the need to get the whole picture, history of Israel through the end of the world.
Anyhow, last night I was reading in Exodus about Moses and the burning bush, a common enough story some may say, but I read something that I'd never realized was there before. I re-read it again tonight and it stands even truer:
10Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nore since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." (That parts fine, it's this next stuff that got me!) 11The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (From Exodus 4).
Can you imagine how many times God got frustrated with Moses? And yet Moses still led the people out of slavery in Egypt and for many years after that. However, because of his disobedience on several occasions, he never was allowed to enter the Promised Land with his people. I don't know about you, but I want the Promised Land of today!
I have been attempting to read through the Bible, beginning to end. I know some people say that it's a mistake to try it that way, but I'm feeling the need to get the whole picture, history of Israel through the end of the world.
Anyhow, last night I was reading in Exodus about Moses and the burning bush, a common enough story some may say, but I read something that I'd never realized was there before. I re-read it again tonight and it stands even truer:
10Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nore since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." (That parts fine, it's this next stuff that got me!) 11The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (From Exodus 4).
Can you imagine how many times God got frustrated with Moses? And yet Moses still led the people out of slavery in Egypt and for many years after that. However, because of his disobedience on several occasions, he never was allowed to enter the Promised Land with his people. I don't know about you, but I want the Promised Land of today!
Dreams
Are dreams meant to be realized or shelf-ized?
I've just been thinking about this alot recently. Right now I have alot of commitments to fulfill, bills to pay off, and growing to do, but what is it about my dreams that feel unreachable?
I don't feel like God made me to be content with a typical life. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He didn't! I just often have troubles with figuring out where I'm going. I'm at a point in my life where 90% of my friends are married or engaged. If I think about it too much, I just get bogged down in self pity. Don't get me wrong, most of them I'm really, really happy for! Best friends of mine who are good, solid, smart, educated ladies who have found outstanding, respectable men to share their lives with. A few of these friends have found that one man who won't look down on them because they're a woman, but at the same time have the sense and the decency and the understanding of their wives/fiancees to know when they need to step in and protect.
Where are those men? Those who aren't threatened by an educated woman's sense of self, strength, inner Amazonian-like women warriors-in-the-Spirit.
Yet also where are those women? Women who want and will allow, even encourage the man to step up and take his place in the family, in society? Women who want to stand by that amazing man in ministry, whatever and wherever it may be, who want to have children and raise families to continue to fight for God's causes in a corrupt world?
Where are the women like me?
I was just told the other day by a co-worker, albeit not the brightest bulb on the block, that she felt the need to 'dumb herself down' to make friends and be liked by people.
What???????
Since when is it o.k. for any female to degrade themselves to a point where, no matter what their real hair color, all anyone sees is a dumb blondes? Since when is it o.k. for men to treat us like a simple, helpless piece of meat meant to be chewed up and spit out???
But maybe I'm going too far. I'm just so tired and upset of living in a world without God. A nation that perpetuates the belief that 'the American dream' is the ideal. I don't think it is.
A life of service to our Lord and to each other should be the norm, the ideal. What has happened to the dreamers??? Where has everyone gone who believed in something more than a big house in the suburbs with a dog and three kids? I believe in one of my previous posts I did mention something about wanting that. Not anymore. I want the things of God. I want to travel and see the world through His eyes. I want to feel His heartbeat for the return of His people to Him. I want to be a woman of God not taken for granted, yet also treated with respect for my experience and expertise in work and life.
You know, dreams are funny things, how they change, evolve, and sometimes disappear. I grew up wanting to be a ballerina, a firefighter, a policewoman, a teacher, a musician, a mom, a doctor... all at once! haha....
Those things are still a fond recollection in the fog of my past, but now I have grown to realize that it's not humanly possible to do all of that together. My dreams of a family, travel, ministry, pets; they've all evolved.
But my dreams of adventure have never died. I have been created for an amazing adventure - I just don't know what it is yet. I want more than this world has to offer. I am learning to wait more quietly, mature in a more focused manner, but still dream bigger. It's hard, it's scary, but I have a feeling that in the end, it will all be worth it.
I've just been thinking about this alot recently. Right now I have alot of commitments to fulfill, bills to pay off, and growing to do, but what is it about my dreams that feel unreachable?
I don't feel like God made me to be content with a typical life. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He didn't! I just often have troubles with figuring out where I'm going. I'm at a point in my life where 90% of my friends are married or engaged. If I think about it too much, I just get bogged down in self pity. Don't get me wrong, most of them I'm really, really happy for! Best friends of mine who are good, solid, smart, educated ladies who have found outstanding, respectable men to share their lives with. A few of these friends have found that one man who won't look down on them because they're a woman, but at the same time have the sense and the decency and the understanding of their wives/fiancees to know when they need to step in and protect.
Where are those men? Those who aren't threatened by an educated woman's sense of self, strength, inner Amazonian-like women warriors-in-the-Spirit.
Yet also where are those women? Women who want and will allow, even encourage the man to step up and take his place in the family, in society? Women who want to stand by that amazing man in ministry, whatever and wherever it may be, who want to have children and raise families to continue to fight for God's causes in a corrupt world?
Where are the women like me?
I was just told the other day by a co-worker, albeit not the brightest bulb on the block, that she felt the need to 'dumb herself down' to make friends and be liked by people.
What???????
Since when is it o.k. for any female to degrade themselves to a point where, no matter what their real hair color, all anyone sees is a dumb blondes? Since when is it o.k. for men to treat us like a simple, helpless piece of meat meant to be chewed up and spit out???
But maybe I'm going too far. I'm just so tired and upset of living in a world without God. A nation that perpetuates the belief that 'the American dream' is the ideal. I don't think it is.
A life of service to our Lord and to each other should be the norm, the ideal. What has happened to the dreamers??? Where has everyone gone who believed in something more than a big house in the suburbs with a dog and three kids? I believe in one of my previous posts I did mention something about wanting that. Not anymore. I want the things of God. I want to travel and see the world through His eyes. I want to feel His heartbeat for the return of His people to Him. I want to be a woman of God not taken for granted, yet also treated with respect for my experience and expertise in work and life.
You know, dreams are funny things, how they change, evolve, and sometimes disappear. I grew up wanting to be a ballerina, a firefighter, a policewoman, a teacher, a musician, a mom, a doctor... all at once! haha....
Those things are still a fond recollection in the fog of my past, but now I have grown to realize that it's not humanly possible to do all of that together. My dreams of a family, travel, ministry, pets; they've all evolved.
But my dreams of adventure have never died. I have been created for an amazing adventure - I just don't know what it is yet. I want more than this world has to offer. I am learning to wait more quietly, mature in a more focused manner, but still dream bigger. It's hard, it's scary, but I have a feeling that in the end, it will all be worth it.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
My Perceptions of Reality with and without Christ
Life is a funny thing.
Sometimes it's rainy, sometimes it's sunny; sometimes busy, sometimes boring; sometimes fast sometimes slow. Today is a rainy (literally), marginally boring, slow day.
And it's my day off :)
Since my last post, things have improved immeasurably! Last week was overly stressful and unbelievably busy. Work the first part of the week, meltdown Tuesday night, 4 house guests Thursday and Friday night (my family), 2 more early Saturday morning night, a wedding rehearsal and ceremony Thursday and Friday (with tornadic tendencies one day and Sahara-like heat the next), church Sunday morning and necessities shopping with the roommates Sunday night. Uff-da! Sunday after church I'd left a note for my Caribou manager informing him of my need for less hours - typically an odd request. I knew I'd probably have to cover Monday and Tuesday closing shifts for the next couple of weeks, as they had already been scheduled. I had searched for someone to cover my Monday night this week to no avail. However, when I did arrive Monday night to work, I found that my manager had somehow already rearranged the schedule for next week so that I only work Wednesday mornings! I couldn't believe it! What a blessing!
In addition to that brightening my day, I also had someone ask me out on a date! It was a little odd as it was a customer who I had only seen a few times before. He's a nice enough guy, but I'm not sure how old he is or what his faith is, so I didn't really give him an answer. I have no desire to get in over my head again with someone who doesn't share my relationship in my Father. As flattering as it was, it also made me think about my hopes and dreams for my future. I know everything is in God's hands, but I also know (with help from Dr. Barnes in college) that we were not made to be helpless clay. God provided His salvation so that we would have a way to escape the typical worries of a human life. We still have them, but because of His salvation we also have a way to hand them over to His control in exchange for the peace that passes all understanding.
I know that He has a perfect plan for my future and I need to be still on a regular basis to listen for His leading. But I also know that I need to make a decision to not worry and pray for my future husband on a regular basis. Honestly, this very principle of trust and honor is something that I have scoffed at for years. I used to think that it was pointless to pray for someone or something that may never happen. Now I see differently. I have been working very hard to make prayer a part of my daily life, as frequent as breathing.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy or as comfortable as breathing. I have found that it can be quite painful. In prayer, we are required to give up something of ourselves, of our selfishness. I don't want to pray for the people who have hurt me, but in doing so I am slowly healing. I don't like not having a set plan for the next 5 years of my life, but in doing so I open myself up more to the doors that God will open. I REALLY don't like giving up my financial situation to God, but in doing so and being faithful of everything that He is asking of me now, I continue to be stretched.
Nothing about a life of faith is logically comfortable. Faith takes away OUR control of situations, but it turn, we open our eyes and our hearts to see God do outstanding things through us and leave behind a legacy of faithfulness. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have the best that He's got for me and life for HIS glory than live with a faulty perception of what I was created for.
I am not an accident of particles and cells colliding or morphing. I am a miracle; flawed in my humanity, but saved and daily working to become more like Christ.
Sometimes it's rainy, sometimes it's sunny; sometimes busy, sometimes boring; sometimes fast sometimes slow. Today is a rainy (literally), marginally boring, slow day.
And it's my day off :)
Since my last post, things have improved immeasurably! Last week was overly stressful and unbelievably busy. Work the first part of the week, meltdown Tuesday night, 4 house guests Thursday and Friday night (my family), 2 more early Saturday morning night, a wedding rehearsal and ceremony Thursday and Friday (with tornadic tendencies one day and Sahara-like heat the next), church Sunday morning and necessities shopping with the roommates Sunday night. Uff-da! Sunday after church I'd left a note for my Caribou manager informing him of my need for less hours - typically an odd request. I knew I'd probably have to cover Monday and Tuesday closing shifts for the next couple of weeks, as they had already been scheduled. I had searched for someone to cover my Monday night this week to no avail. However, when I did arrive Monday night to work, I found that my manager had somehow already rearranged the schedule for next week so that I only work Wednesday mornings! I couldn't believe it! What a blessing!
In addition to that brightening my day, I also had someone ask me out on a date! It was a little odd as it was a customer who I had only seen a few times before. He's a nice enough guy, but I'm not sure how old he is or what his faith is, so I didn't really give him an answer. I have no desire to get in over my head again with someone who doesn't share my relationship in my Father. As flattering as it was, it also made me think about my hopes and dreams for my future. I know everything is in God's hands, but I also know (with help from Dr. Barnes in college) that we were not made to be helpless clay. God provided His salvation so that we would have a way to escape the typical worries of a human life. We still have them, but because of His salvation we also have a way to hand them over to His control in exchange for the peace that passes all understanding.
I know that He has a perfect plan for my future and I need to be still on a regular basis to listen for His leading. But I also know that I need to make a decision to not worry and pray for my future husband on a regular basis. Honestly, this very principle of trust and honor is something that I have scoffed at for years. I used to think that it was pointless to pray for someone or something that may never happen. Now I see differently. I have been working very hard to make prayer a part of my daily life, as frequent as breathing.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy or as comfortable as breathing. I have found that it can be quite painful. In prayer, we are required to give up something of ourselves, of our selfishness. I don't want to pray for the people who have hurt me, but in doing so I am slowly healing. I don't like not having a set plan for the next 5 years of my life, but in doing so I open myself up more to the doors that God will open. I REALLY don't like giving up my financial situation to God, but in doing so and being faithful of everything that He is asking of me now, I continue to be stretched.
Nothing about a life of faith is logically comfortable. Faith takes away OUR control of situations, but it turn, we open our eyes and our hearts to see God do outstanding things through us and leave behind a legacy of faithfulness. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have the best that He's got for me and life for HIS glory than live with a faulty perception of what I was created for.
I am not an accident of particles and cells colliding or morphing. I am a miracle; flawed in my humanity, but saved and daily working to become more like Christ.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Emotions
So......
It's been a while. Let's see if I can catch up a little. Since the last time I blogged, I have gotten a full-time job with about 40 hours a week in addition to the part time job I have at the coffee shop.....
I think I must be trying to set a new record for the fastest suicide-by-work ever.
I just started the new job on Monday (well, it's not even really that new, just a more intense version of what I've BEEN doing), but since Sunday I've worked 44.5 hours between the two jobs.... Yikes - that's actually the first time I've added it all up.... holy cannoli...
So I'm meaning this to be short - just a descriptor of what that much work can do to a human being in 4 and a half days. Last night I kind of had an emotional breakdown - not fun. I kind of exploded on my wonderful roommate who just got us wifi for the apartment - not cool. It has been reaffirmed (yet again) that I am a highly emotional person, especially in comparison to my roommates. Both are females, yet they don't seem to understand the typical connection between the female heart, mind, and emotions. I'm not sure how they do it, but they think logically... all the time! I can do it when I have to; I can also do it when I have adequate sleep, but one of my roommates works like crazy and she never seems to have an emotional breakdown, at least not one that I have ever seen.
So what do you think? I mean, I know only two of my friends actually follow my blog, but if there are any other females out there in cyberspace, what do you think? How is this possible? Am I just socially unprepared for the rigors of real life? Or have I been made so sensative for a different reason?
Who knows but God, I guess... Now I should really sleep.... the week isn't done yet...
It's been a while. Let's see if I can catch up a little. Since the last time I blogged, I have gotten a full-time job with about 40 hours a week in addition to the part time job I have at the coffee shop.....
I think I must be trying to set a new record for the fastest suicide-by-work ever.
I just started the new job on Monday (well, it's not even really that new, just a more intense version of what I've BEEN doing), but since Sunday I've worked 44.5 hours between the two jobs.... Yikes - that's actually the first time I've added it all up.... holy cannoli...
So I'm meaning this to be short - just a descriptor of what that much work can do to a human being in 4 and a half days. Last night I kind of had an emotional breakdown - not fun. I kind of exploded on my wonderful roommate who just got us wifi for the apartment - not cool. It has been reaffirmed (yet again) that I am a highly emotional person, especially in comparison to my roommates. Both are females, yet they don't seem to understand the typical connection between the female heart, mind, and emotions. I'm not sure how they do it, but they think logically... all the time! I can do it when I have to; I can also do it when I have adequate sleep, but one of my roommates works like crazy and she never seems to have an emotional breakdown, at least not one that I have ever seen.
So what do you think? I mean, I know only two of my friends actually follow my blog, but if there are any other females out there in cyberspace, what do you think? How is this possible? Am I just socially unprepared for the rigors of real life? Or have I been made so sensative for a different reason?
Who knows but God, I guess... Now I should really sleep.... the week isn't done yet...
Monday, April 19, 2010
Heart Changes
Something has been happening to me recently. Not bad; definitely good, but equally hard to comprehend.
I find myself driving down the road listening to the radio broadcasting from my alma mater, and I begin to weep. The first few times it happened, I brushed it off as not being in a good mood or not getting enough sleep. I'm finding now that, though those things intensify my reactions, they are not the source.
(Please bear with me on the length; a story is needed to make my point.)
God has been softening my heart. I used to think I had the softest heart in the world, viewing it as a curse rather than a blessing because I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and therefore easily hurt. As a result, throughout my college years I hardened myself. I watched as my soft-hearted friends went through one relationship after another, somehow getting hurt each time along the way, whether it was a dating relationship or a friendship. I reached out to them as best as I knew how, but somehow it was never enough and I found myself hurting more after attempting to help.
I sat and watched those around me do one of two things: totally close themselves off to others so as to eliminate the risk of getting hurt, or find that perfect person they felt they needed to be with for the rest of their lives.
I was left with a choice: join one or the other, or be completely ostracized from both for the rest of my life. I chose to become hard. I made mostly flaky friends, a few good friends, even fewer great friends, and no boyfriends to speak of. I effectively buried myself in school, work, and t.v. shows online, not to mention facebook. I felt it was easier to live through the love lives of movie stars than attempt finding love on my own. I truly saw and heard very few.
My last year, that started to change. With my sister attending the same school, I found a new purpose in mentoring and guiding her and her friends. I admit I began with the know-it-all attitude of a senior, but felt like I was in a great place to help them get through the hard times. Slowly I began to to open up again.
Last summer I worked with kids mostly from the inner city; I taught them the meaning of hard work, of their value and the contribution possibilities that they faced in their world, as well as the meaning of friendship and caring. As I mentored these high schoolers and face discipline issues with some, I realized that I had something to give to the world, too. I mean, I've always known that God created me for something, but I've never known really what.
Now, with these abrupt moments of heart wrenching tenderness, I've realized that God has begun to create in me a heart that matches His. I almost can't believe it; it's what I've been praying for since last year! Now this is what I see:
- sitting in her car at a stoplight, a woman who has been so hurt by her family that she can't even imaging anyone seeing her heart, seeing how she longs to be loved, longs to give love, longs to mean something.
- a dirty car mechanic who walks into my Caribou, gruffly asks for a cup o' joe, slams down his money and stalks out. No one sees how cruel people have been to him, how many times he's 'tried church' just to be looked down on because of his alcoholic past.
I could go on and on....
I have begun to pray every day for God to set up the divine appointments that He wants to in order to spread His love through me.
I am being changed, revolutionized.
I have been hurt, too many times to count, but only a few times seriously. Now I'm finally beginning to see what the Bible means when it says that Jesus will heal all wounds and bind up the brokenhearted! For as much as it hurts when people we love say cruel things, backstab, or outright spit in our faces, imagine what the rest of the world feels..... and they don't have the great healer we do.
We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to bring His hope and healing to those who can no longer lift up their heads, whose hearts are so hard nothing on earth can melt them. We cannot fail. We cannot give up for our selfish reasons, for our pride.
Though it's only a small step, I'm starting to figure out where God is taking me. I am called, much as every other Christ follower, to serve. That's all I know now, but when we think about it, that should really be enough.
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
~Micah 6:8
I find myself driving down the road listening to the radio broadcasting from my alma mater, and I begin to weep. The first few times it happened, I brushed it off as not being in a good mood or not getting enough sleep. I'm finding now that, though those things intensify my reactions, they are not the source.
(Please bear with me on the length; a story is needed to make my point.)
God has been softening my heart. I used to think I had the softest heart in the world, viewing it as a curse rather than a blessing because I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and therefore easily hurt. As a result, throughout my college years I hardened myself. I watched as my soft-hearted friends went through one relationship after another, somehow getting hurt each time along the way, whether it was a dating relationship or a friendship. I reached out to them as best as I knew how, but somehow it was never enough and I found myself hurting more after attempting to help.
I sat and watched those around me do one of two things: totally close themselves off to others so as to eliminate the risk of getting hurt, or find that perfect person they felt they needed to be with for the rest of their lives.
I was left with a choice: join one or the other, or be completely ostracized from both for the rest of my life. I chose to become hard. I made mostly flaky friends, a few good friends, even fewer great friends, and no boyfriends to speak of. I effectively buried myself in school, work, and t.v. shows online, not to mention facebook. I felt it was easier to live through the love lives of movie stars than attempt finding love on my own. I truly saw and heard very few.
My last year, that started to change. With my sister attending the same school, I found a new purpose in mentoring and guiding her and her friends. I admit I began with the know-it-all attitude of a senior, but felt like I was in a great place to help them get through the hard times. Slowly I began to to open up again.
Last summer I worked with kids mostly from the inner city; I taught them the meaning of hard work, of their value and the contribution possibilities that they faced in their world, as well as the meaning of friendship and caring. As I mentored these high schoolers and face discipline issues with some, I realized that I had something to give to the world, too. I mean, I've always known that God created me for something, but I've never known really what.
Now, with these abrupt moments of heart wrenching tenderness, I've realized that God has begun to create in me a heart that matches His. I almost can't believe it; it's what I've been praying for since last year! Now this is what I see:
- sitting in her car at a stoplight, a woman who has been so hurt by her family that she can't even imaging anyone seeing her heart, seeing how she longs to be loved, longs to give love, longs to mean something.
- a dirty car mechanic who walks into my Caribou, gruffly asks for a cup o' joe, slams down his money and stalks out. No one sees how cruel people have been to him, how many times he's 'tried church' just to be looked down on because of his alcoholic past.
I could go on and on....
I have begun to pray every day for God to set up the divine appointments that He wants to in order to spread His love through me.
I am being changed, revolutionized.
I have been hurt, too many times to count, but only a few times seriously. Now I'm finally beginning to see what the Bible means when it says that Jesus will heal all wounds and bind up the brokenhearted! For as much as it hurts when people we love say cruel things, backstab, or outright spit in our faces, imagine what the rest of the world feels..... and they don't have the great healer we do.
We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to bring His hope and healing to those who can no longer lift up their heads, whose hearts are so hard nothing on earth can melt them. We cannot fail. We cannot give up for our selfish reasons, for our pride.
Though it's only a small step, I'm starting to figure out where God is taking me. I am called, much as every other Christ follower, to serve. That's all I know now, but when we think about it, that should really be enough.
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."
~Micah 6:8
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunrise, Sunset
Something happened today.
I saw the sunrise.
For those of you who know me, you know I'm NOT a morning person. I was scheduled for a shift at Caribou that started at 0730, which meant I needed to be conscious enough by 0615 to start getting ready. I never know what kind of shape my hair is going to be in the morning, so I must always prepare for the worst. (haha.... no, really, though.....)
I got my bowl of cereal, just like I always do. This morning it was Trix, which some people say are only for kids, but I'm not a rabbit and my heart is still young, so I eat them.
I proceeded to open the blinds to our deck and was greeted by one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. A sunrise that looked like paint cans of orange, pink, yellow, blue, purple, and the variations in between had been flung across the sky. Though I'd had a good weekend, the night before had left me tired and wondering what this full week would look like for me. As I stood eating my colorful Trix and watching the aurora borealis-like sunrise, I knew this week would be great.
I for the longest time I didn't believe people who said I was missing out by not ever seeing a sunrise. Last summer when work meant camping outdoors and getting sweaty and dirty every day, I was required as one of the leaders to rise from the beautiful slumber by 0630 every day. Usually, I barely made it out of my tent by 0645. Today, it made me want to get up early every day, just to see what surprise painting my Maker has for me..... but not QUITE enough to actually get to bed early ;) Early day again tomorrow.... We'll see what He's got for me then!
I saw the sunrise.
For those of you who know me, you know I'm NOT a morning person. I was scheduled for a shift at Caribou that started at 0730, which meant I needed to be conscious enough by 0615 to start getting ready. I never know what kind of shape my hair is going to be in the morning, so I must always prepare for the worst. (haha.... no, really, though.....)
I got my bowl of cereal, just like I always do. This morning it was Trix, which some people say are only for kids, but I'm not a rabbit and my heart is still young, so I eat them.
I proceeded to open the blinds to our deck and was greeted by one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. A sunrise that looked like paint cans of orange, pink, yellow, blue, purple, and the variations in between had been flung across the sky. Though I'd had a good weekend, the night before had left me tired and wondering what this full week would look like for me. As I stood eating my colorful Trix and watching the aurora borealis-like sunrise, I knew this week would be great.
I for the longest time I didn't believe people who said I was missing out by not ever seeing a sunrise. Last summer when work meant camping outdoors and getting sweaty and dirty every day, I was required as one of the leaders to rise from the beautiful slumber by 0630 every day. Usually, I barely made it out of my tent by 0645. Today, it made me want to get up early every day, just to see what surprise painting my Maker has for me..... but not QUITE enough to actually get to bed early ;) Early day again tomorrow.... We'll see what He's got for me then!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Walking and Musing; Mud and Music
I went for a walk this evening. Nothing spectacular, but I found some great inclines and now my thighs are burning.... this is a goooood thing. :D Walking in the evening is one of my favorite things to do - The day is waning, the birds are still chirping (and in this case, flirting), and there is a general rest about the day. As I walked, I found myself musing about many things. For example....
Isn't it remarkable how good it feels to walk on a dirt path, which at this point is half mud, and smell all the newness of spring coming? To see the new buds peeking through that mud, to listen as the dry, old oak leaves fall from the trees to make room for the new buds that are pushing their way out. To hear the music of all the twitterpated birds: flirting finches, courageous cardinals, doting ducks, chipper chickadees, gallant geese, radiating red-winged blackbirds, even the squirrels want in, scolding from their high perches. All of this together makes a symphony worthy of God. And that's just it. Not only is it worthy of God, it's conducted by Him! He has created this world the perfect distance from the sun that spins at the perfect speed so we aren't crushed or find ourselves floating off, a speed and distance which also assures that seasons come and go, things are born and die, and the sun and the moon rise and set. These things offer us peace, but only if viewed with the understanding that there is a God who created this all. He is the One who maintains the consistency. He is the One in control and He could choose to change it or let it all go. What would happen to our sanity, for example, if the sun rose in the west one day? What about if rivers started flowing up or the tides were reversed? God could do that if He really wanted to, don't you think? Yet He chooses to maintain this consistency.
Why?
Because He loves us! We humans thrive on consistency. Some people tend to be more free-spirited than others (moi, for example), and yet if certain aspects of physics and facts of our known world ceased to exist, we would go out of our minds! God created each one of us and loves us so much that He gave us this world, trees and birds and animals and grass and rocks and mountains and rivers and oceans and the sun and the moon and the stars!!!!! Everywhere I look I see His glory and the joy that He created this world with.
Yet another thing that I saw was the sunset. Though obstructed to a certain extent by the obscenely large houses of the neighborhood, the sky above the setting sun testified to my Father's love for me. One moment I wished I had my camera with me to capture what I was seeing and share it with you, but the next I realized that nothing could compare to what I was seeing. First I wanted to compare the texture and color of the clouds to Monet, but maybe Manet was better. Or Cassat, but I didn't want to rule out Rembrant, Remington, Da Vinci, or any of the other 'greats' either. Digitalblasphemy.com? Still no. But as the moments passed, I stopped comparing. I was in awe. It kept changing. Each color slowly morphed into another or moved to a different cloud. Even the birds started to quiet. I could still hear the sound of traffic a mile away, but I shut it out as best I could to enjoy this symphony of sight.
As it started to get dark, I realized I really needed to head back to my car before it got too dark to see. I'm so thankful for Minnesota twilight (no, this is not when Norweigans grow fangs and the "ya, sure, you betchas" turn into "I vant to suck yooour bloooooood"). In California, when the sun is down, that's it, end of story, nighty-night. Twilight provides us with an opportunity for prolonged outdoor enjoyment.
As I continued my walk, I began to muse about other things. As I passed the large, beautiful (yet often excessive) houses with their families and dogs and three car garages, I started to want. I want that suburban home with the husband, dog, and four kids. I want to be able to have at least a two car garage and a nice trampoline in the back yard. Then my brain kicked in an I started thinking about how much that mortgage must be, what kind of an electric bill they must have, and how many 'things' I would have to fill a house like that. I started to think about how different my desire was from my logic. What is desire anyhow? Technically speaking it's a socially programed response that triggers chemical responses to synapses in the brain. At least.... I think that's what it is. Anyhow....... I thought, "Why is it so often that the brain and the heart don't agree (not physically speaking, of course)?" The heart is the seat of desire and dreams, and the brain is the seat of logic and reason. They're in the same body! Why can't they just call a truce and agree? Then I realized that they only don't agree when I'm in control!
'What?', you say? Let me explain...
When I'm in control, I have to manage everything that's going on inside my head as well as attempting to manage my environment. When I'm in control, I do what I want and not necessarily what's in God's plan for me. There is a reason my heart and mind often can't agree. There's a reason I can't think straight or decide when I'm relying on my understanding of the situation.
It's because He wants me to give up control. I'm not supposed to be in control of my life. He is. I'm supposed to remember that He has the best plan for my life and He wants to communicate that to me, but He can't if I'm thinking all on my own all the time.
This revelation came to me through a series of events. On St. Patrick's day I heard on the radio that Irish Christians used to pray about ever aspect of life, from a good season for crops to a spider bite. Doing laundry was also prayed over! Then, last Wednesday at church we talked about the many aspects and importance of prayer. My pastor's wife talked about how long it has taken her to understand the importance of prayer. She also prays over the laundry and has had God speak to her about washing or not washing certain items. Then yesterday I watched "Facing the Giants" for the first time. It involves a Christian school football team that hasn't won a season in 6 years, and a football coach who feels like his life is going down the tubes: things in his house keep breaking down, they can't have children and the doctors say it's his fault, his car keeps breaking down, and there are people in the school who want to fire him. One day, a man who always prays over the students' lockers, approaches the coach and tells him that he needs to remain faithful in spite of the difficulties in his life, that God wants to use him, but that he needs to start searching, praying, and listening. Once this coach revises his life and team philosophy, things start turning around. He realizes that it's not about him; it's about living life for the glory of God, no matter what happens, and never giving up on Him. Through the course of the story, we see almost an entire town turn around because of one coach's faithfulness in spite of the hard times.
Never give up. Praise God always. Give up the control to Him.
This is when life with start making sense. This is when the heart and the mind will start to agree. When we agree with God that we can't handle it on our own and rely on Him to make things make sense, which sometimes takes a long time, only then will we learn to be content in life. Only then will we learn to be thankful and happy with where God places us at different times in our life.
Isn't it remarkable how good it feels to walk on a dirt path, which at this point is half mud, and smell all the newness of spring coming? To see the new buds peeking through that mud, to listen as the dry, old oak leaves fall from the trees to make room for the new buds that are pushing their way out. To hear the music of all the twitterpated birds: flirting finches, courageous cardinals, doting ducks, chipper chickadees, gallant geese, radiating red-winged blackbirds, even the squirrels want in, scolding from their high perches. All of this together makes a symphony worthy of God. And that's just it. Not only is it worthy of God, it's conducted by Him! He has created this world the perfect distance from the sun that spins at the perfect speed so we aren't crushed or find ourselves floating off, a speed and distance which also assures that seasons come and go, things are born and die, and the sun and the moon rise and set. These things offer us peace, but only if viewed with the understanding that there is a God who created this all. He is the One who maintains the consistency. He is the One in control and He could choose to change it or let it all go. What would happen to our sanity, for example, if the sun rose in the west one day? What about if rivers started flowing up or the tides were reversed? God could do that if He really wanted to, don't you think? Yet He chooses to maintain this consistency.
Why?
Because He loves us! We humans thrive on consistency. Some people tend to be more free-spirited than others (moi, for example), and yet if certain aspects of physics and facts of our known world ceased to exist, we would go out of our minds! God created each one of us and loves us so much that He gave us this world, trees and birds and animals and grass and rocks and mountains and rivers and oceans and the sun and the moon and the stars!!!!! Everywhere I look I see His glory and the joy that He created this world with.
Yet another thing that I saw was the sunset. Though obstructed to a certain extent by the obscenely large houses of the neighborhood, the sky above the setting sun testified to my Father's love for me. One moment I wished I had my camera with me to capture what I was seeing and share it with you, but the next I realized that nothing could compare to what I was seeing. First I wanted to compare the texture and color of the clouds to Monet, but maybe Manet was better. Or Cassat, but I didn't want to rule out Rembrant, Remington, Da Vinci, or any of the other 'greats' either. Digitalblasphemy.com? Still no. But as the moments passed, I stopped comparing. I was in awe. It kept changing. Each color slowly morphed into another or moved to a different cloud. Even the birds started to quiet. I could still hear the sound of traffic a mile away, but I shut it out as best I could to enjoy this symphony of sight.
As it started to get dark, I realized I really needed to head back to my car before it got too dark to see. I'm so thankful for Minnesota twilight (no, this is not when Norweigans grow fangs and the "ya, sure, you betchas" turn into "I vant to suck yooour bloooooood"). In California, when the sun is down, that's it, end of story, nighty-night. Twilight provides us with an opportunity for prolonged outdoor enjoyment.
As I continued my walk, I began to muse about other things. As I passed the large, beautiful (yet often excessive) houses with their families and dogs and three car garages, I started to want. I want that suburban home with the husband, dog, and four kids. I want to be able to have at least a two car garage and a nice trampoline in the back yard. Then my brain kicked in an I started thinking about how much that mortgage must be, what kind of an electric bill they must have, and how many 'things' I would have to fill a house like that. I started to think about how different my desire was from my logic. What is desire anyhow? Technically speaking it's a socially programed response that triggers chemical responses to synapses in the brain. At least.... I think that's what it is. Anyhow....... I thought, "Why is it so often that the brain and the heart don't agree (not physically speaking, of course)?" The heart is the seat of desire and dreams, and the brain is the seat of logic and reason. They're in the same body! Why can't they just call a truce and agree? Then I realized that they only don't agree when I'm in control!
'What?', you say? Let me explain...
When I'm in control, I have to manage everything that's going on inside my head as well as attempting to manage my environment. When I'm in control, I do what I want and not necessarily what's in God's plan for me. There is a reason my heart and mind often can't agree. There's a reason I can't think straight or decide when I'm relying on my understanding of the situation.
It's because He wants me to give up control. I'm not supposed to be in control of my life. He is. I'm supposed to remember that He has the best plan for my life and He wants to communicate that to me, but He can't if I'm thinking all on my own all the time.
This revelation came to me through a series of events. On St. Patrick's day I heard on the radio that Irish Christians used to pray about ever aspect of life, from a good season for crops to a spider bite. Doing laundry was also prayed over! Then, last Wednesday at church we talked about the many aspects and importance of prayer. My pastor's wife talked about how long it has taken her to understand the importance of prayer. She also prays over the laundry and has had God speak to her about washing or not washing certain items. Then yesterday I watched "Facing the Giants" for the first time. It involves a Christian school football team that hasn't won a season in 6 years, and a football coach who feels like his life is going down the tubes: things in his house keep breaking down, they can't have children and the doctors say it's his fault, his car keeps breaking down, and there are people in the school who want to fire him. One day, a man who always prays over the students' lockers, approaches the coach and tells him that he needs to remain faithful in spite of the difficulties in his life, that God wants to use him, but that he needs to start searching, praying, and listening. Once this coach revises his life and team philosophy, things start turning around. He realizes that it's not about him; it's about living life for the glory of God, no matter what happens, and never giving up on Him. Through the course of the story, we see almost an entire town turn around because of one coach's faithfulness in spite of the hard times.
Never give up. Praise God always. Give up the control to Him.
This is when life with start making sense. This is when the heart and the mind will start to agree. When we agree with God that we can't handle it on our own and rely on Him to make things make sense, which sometimes takes a long time, only then will we learn to be content in life. Only then will we learn to be thankful and happy with where God places us at different times in our life.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Puzzle piece or niche..... where do I fit?
Purpose....
This word is often used when speaking about one's place in life; the desire for living; the point of life. What's mine? How should I know?
I was at my church on Friday night listening to a guy from Scotland tell about three journeys in life that he has taken: a journey to purpose, a journey to compassion, and a journey towards God. I feel like if that's what life is, then I've been dead or dying for a while.
A journey towards God. THIS is a renewed thing for me. I gave my life to Christ when I was little, rededicated it to him in my early teens, and now I'm rediscovering it yet again. Our God is a remarkable being; no matter how many times I've lost my way and gotten caught up in the trappings of this world, He still waits for me, with open arms, sometimes to comfort, sometimes to discipline then comfort. Amazing. I'm still blown away every time I think about His love for me....
A journey to compassion. I used to think of myself as a very, very compassionate person. Somewhere along the way, sometime during college, I got so caught up in myself and my own worries that I forgot what it means to feel someone else's pain, to love when no one else will. This is a journey that has also been renewed for me. I'm relearning what it means to see the heart of the Father and weep as He does for the injustice of His people, for the abandonment of His precious children, for the sin in this world. I thank God that my heart never got to a point where it was too hard to turn around....
A journey to purpose. What is my purpose? I'm at a point in my life where nothing truly satisfies me. Is this bad? It's been almost a year since I graduated college and I still don't feel like I have that God-given direction for my life. There have been times in my life when everything was going right. There have also been times when everything was going wrong. Now I'm in the middle. An equal amount of right and wrong happen in my life everyday. I'm tired of this middle ground. I want to know my purpose......... There is one thing that I can say I know that I'm meant to do: serve. Serve this world for His glory. But what else? That can't be it, can it? I need specifics. I need to know where I fit. I know I'm a versatile person who can be comfortable in almost any situation, but I can't help feeling that there has got to be that niche that I'm meant to fit in perfectly. That place where I'm valued, where I make a difference; that place that uses all of my talents somehow for the glory of God!
I feel like I'm stagnating; stuck in a dirty pool of water with no outlet, no inlet, and mosquitoes breeding on my surface. How do I get out? How do I get from where I am to the open sea, where everything moves and flows together in a beautiful, wild rhythm?
I continue on two of the three journeys, wishing to embark on the third but not knowing where to start. I feel so loved by my Father every day, but I have no way to let that spill over my containment and effect those around me.
Does this make me a mediocre Christian? Oh, anything but that! Lord, let me not be the lukewarm water that You cannot bear!
I burn with coals inside me, waiting for the hand that holds the fan to make me a flame. Where do I fit?
This word is often used when speaking about one's place in life; the desire for living; the point of life. What's mine? How should I know?
I was at my church on Friday night listening to a guy from Scotland tell about three journeys in life that he has taken: a journey to purpose, a journey to compassion, and a journey towards God. I feel like if that's what life is, then I've been dead or dying for a while.
A journey towards God. THIS is a renewed thing for me. I gave my life to Christ when I was little, rededicated it to him in my early teens, and now I'm rediscovering it yet again. Our God is a remarkable being; no matter how many times I've lost my way and gotten caught up in the trappings of this world, He still waits for me, with open arms, sometimes to comfort, sometimes to discipline then comfort. Amazing. I'm still blown away every time I think about His love for me....
A journey to compassion. I used to think of myself as a very, very compassionate person. Somewhere along the way, sometime during college, I got so caught up in myself and my own worries that I forgot what it means to feel someone else's pain, to love when no one else will. This is a journey that has also been renewed for me. I'm relearning what it means to see the heart of the Father and weep as He does for the injustice of His people, for the abandonment of His precious children, for the sin in this world. I thank God that my heart never got to a point where it was too hard to turn around....
A journey to purpose. What is my purpose? I'm at a point in my life where nothing truly satisfies me. Is this bad? It's been almost a year since I graduated college and I still don't feel like I have that God-given direction for my life. There have been times in my life when everything was going right. There have also been times when everything was going wrong. Now I'm in the middle. An equal amount of right and wrong happen in my life everyday. I'm tired of this middle ground. I want to know my purpose......... There is one thing that I can say I know that I'm meant to do: serve. Serve this world for His glory. But what else? That can't be it, can it? I need specifics. I need to know where I fit. I know I'm a versatile person who can be comfortable in almost any situation, but I can't help feeling that there has got to be that niche that I'm meant to fit in perfectly. That place where I'm valued, where I make a difference; that place that uses all of my talents somehow for the glory of God!
I feel like I'm stagnating; stuck in a dirty pool of water with no outlet, no inlet, and mosquitoes breeding on my surface. How do I get out? How do I get from where I am to the open sea, where everything moves and flows together in a beautiful, wild rhythm?
I continue on two of the three journeys, wishing to embark on the third but not knowing where to start. I feel so loved by my Father every day, but I have no way to let that spill over my containment and effect those around me.
Does this make me a mediocre Christian? Oh, anything but that! Lord, let me not be the lukewarm water that You cannot bear!
I burn with coals inside me, waiting for the hand that holds the fan to make me a flame. Where do I fit?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
iSurrender: Pray
My friend John has a blog that I've been catching up on reading these last few days. This particular post made me really think, and I need accountability to keep thinking, to mull these quotes over on a daily basis, and turn my prayer life into something powerful, not simply dutiful.
Thanks, John
iSurrender: Pray
Thanks, John
iSurrender: Pray
My week
I am bored to tears. No joke. Having contracted pink eye on the way back from my vacation last week has now restricted me for working at ANY of my jobs for the last three days. Do you know how depressing that is? No, seriously.... A week of vacation was more than enough, considering I was sick for more than half of THAT week as well! After three days I wanted to get back to my work! Now, with no actual physical impairment, a simple, highly contagious eye infection is preventing me from doing what I love!
Isn't it funny what we complain about? Isn't it funny what we take for granted?
We complain about having to go to work until we aren't allowed to go to work. We complain about the cold weather until it turns hot, and the hot weather until it turns cold. We don't have enough food, or fun, or friends, or clothes, or something.
REALITY CHECK: We have more than more than enough. That's right; I said it twice. It should still make sense. If we really sat down and thought about everything we have in this country, everything that we've been blessed to have simply because of the country we've been born in, we would be amazed. Very little about America says poverty. Sadly, that little portion of our country is the portion we most often choose to ignore. Granted, I'm not going to hand a $50 bill to a man standing with a sign at the end of a freeway exit because most of the time, they are moochers or frauds. But what about the people down the hall or next door who struggle to make ends meet because the husband got laid off and the wife has three kids to take care of and can't pay for daycare. What about the people in the inner city who truly do live in cardboard boxes or under overpasses. They are there. I know. I've seen them. And what have I done? Nothing. In reality I'm struggling to make ends meet as well, to pay off the school loans, to pay the rent and utilities and gas, and so often I've decided that there is nothing that I can do for them. I'm wrong. I've been wrong for so long.
I can pray. I can talk to them and show them I care about them as a person even if I can do nothing about their financial situation. Scoff if you like, but when prayer is claimed and believed in, it works. However, before I do that, I need to step back, take stock of what I have, and be thankful. Not prideful, not envious that I don't have the right clothes, fun toys, or fancy apartment that other people do. Thankful for everything I have. It kinda goes back to that old hymn written by Johnson Oatman, Jr. and Edwin O. Excell, "Count Your Blessings". Read the word, don't just skim them. Let them sink in....
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
And it will surprist you what the Lord hath done
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings every doubt will fly
And you will be singing as the days go by
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth and gold
Count your many blessings money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high
So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged - God is over all;
Count your many blessings angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end
Chorus:
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your blessings, see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your many blessings see what God hath done
What do I have to be thankful for?
My salvation. I could be this close to hell if God decided to be selfish and not send His son to die.
My health. Yes, pink eye, the flu, a cold - all are frustrating, but I think sometimes God allows typically healthy people to get a little sick to remind us where our priorities lie. I mean think about it! He could chose to keep us healthy all the time simply because He wanted to. A friend of mine pointed out a couple of months ago that God kept Moses alive and kicking for 120 years. Why? Because He wanted to. Sickness is in this world because of sin, but I think sometimes it's good for us to slow down or even stop to realize how far away from Him we have drifted.
My family. Sure, they're crazy and sometimes drive me to the edge of reason, but I still love them and know that they are and always will be there for me.
My clothes. No, they're not the latest things from Aeropostal or American Eagle, not even Forever 21. Heck, most of them are from high school, free boxes at college, and sales racks at Target and Kohl's, but even that is better than nothing at all. Even the homeless in America are blessed with shelters to sleep in, food shelves that feed them, and clothes from one place or another. There are children in Africa who don't have clean water to drink and are malnourished. There are families in Russian and Czechoslovakia who only have t-shirts, shorts, and sandals to run around in, wrapping them in newspaper from the garbage to keep warm.
My jobs. When so many in America are struggling to keep their houses and are getting laid off daily, I have two jobs that I love. They take up much of my time, I don't get benefits because I'm part time at both, but at least they pay the bills.
My bills. Seems like a funny thing to be thankful for, but when you think about it, having bills means I have something. My bills represent the apartment I have to live in, the water I have to drink, the food I have to eat, and the education that I have worked hard to attain.
These are the simple things. These are the things we complain about and/or take for granted.
These are things that we need to be thankful for.
Be thankful for freedom, too. The freedom to pray, to write this blog, to communicate freely with our loved ones, the freedom to have loved ones, to have whole communities instead of ones divided by tribal strife, to have whole buildings and schools that aren't damaged by the rages of war.
We have to much to NOT be thankful.
Isn't it funny what we complain about? Isn't it funny what we take for granted?
We complain about having to go to work until we aren't allowed to go to work. We complain about the cold weather until it turns hot, and the hot weather until it turns cold. We don't have enough food, or fun, or friends, or clothes, or something.
REALITY CHECK: We have more than more than enough. That's right; I said it twice. It should still make sense. If we really sat down and thought about everything we have in this country, everything that we've been blessed to have simply because of the country we've been born in, we would be amazed. Very little about America says poverty. Sadly, that little portion of our country is the portion we most often choose to ignore. Granted, I'm not going to hand a $50 bill to a man standing with a sign at the end of a freeway exit because most of the time, they are moochers or frauds. But what about the people down the hall or next door who struggle to make ends meet because the husband got laid off and the wife has three kids to take care of and can't pay for daycare. What about the people in the inner city who truly do live in cardboard boxes or under overpasses. They are there. I know. I've seen them. And what have I done? Nothing. In reality I'm struggling to make ends meet as well, to pay off the school loans, to pay the rent and utilities and gas, and so often I've decided that there is nothing that I can do for them. I'm wrong. I've been wrong for so long.
I can pray. I can talk to them and show them I care about them as a person even if I can do nothing about their financial situation. Scoff if you like, but when prayer is claimed and believed in, it works. However, before I do that, I need to step back, take stock of what I have, and be thankful. Not prideful, not envious that I don't have the right clothes, fun toys, or fancy apartment that other people do. Thankful for everything I have. It kinda goes back to that old hymn written by Johnson Oatman, Jr. and Edwin O. Excell, "Count Your Blessings". Read the word, don't just skim them. Let them sink in....
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
And it will surprist you what the Lord hath done
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings every doubt will fly
And you will be singing as the days go by
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth and gold
Count your many blessings money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high
So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged - God is over all;
Count your many blessings angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end
Chorus:
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your blessings, see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your many blessings see what God hath done
What do I have to be thankful for?
My salvation. I could be this close to hell if God decided to be selfish and not send His son to die.
My health. Yes, pink eye, the flu, a cold - all are frustrating, but I think sometimes God allows typically healthy people to get a little sick to remind us where our priorities lie. I mean think about it! He could chose to keep us healthy all the time simply because He wanted to. A friend of mine pointed out a couple of months ago that God kept Moses alive and kicking for 120 years. Why? Because He wanted to. Sickness is in this world because of sin, but I think sometimes it's good for us to slow down or even stop to realize how far away from Him we have drifted.
My family. Sure, they're crazy and sometimes drive me to the edge of reason, but I still love them and know that they are and always will be there for me.
My clothes. No, they're not the latest things from Aeropostal or American Eagle, not even Forever 21. Heck, most of them are from high school, free boxes at college, and sales racks at Target and Kohl's, but even that is better than nothing at all. Even the homeless in America are blessed with shelters to sleep in, food shelves that feed them, and clothes from one place or another. There are children in Africa who don't have clean water to drink and are malnourished. There are families in Russian and Czechoslovakia who only have t-shirts, shorts, and sandals to run around in, wrapping them in newspaper from the garbage to keep warm.
My jobs. When so many in America are struggling to keep their houses and are getting laid off daily, I have two jobs that I love. They take up much of my time, I don't get benefits because I'm part time at both, but at least they pay the bills.
My bills. Seems like a funny thing to be thankful for, but when you think about it, having bills means I have something. My bills represent the apartment I have to live in, the water I have to drink, the food I have to eat, and the education that I have worked hard to attain.
These are the simple things. These are the things we complain about and/or take for granted.
These are things that we need to be thankful for.
Be thankful for freedom, too. The freedom to pray, to write this blog, to communicate freely with our loved ones, the freedom to have loved ones, to have whole communities instead of ones divided by tribal strife, to have whole buildings and schools that aren't damaged by the rages of war.
We have to much to NOT be thankful.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
First REAL blog...
Life
It's too short to not live
It's too short to not love
As long as both are for the right person.....
Jesus Christ
This blog and the many posts that will follow are the result of being woken up. Woken up from a life of complacency and self-absorption. Woken up from the life of a luke-warm Christian. No more. Never settle.
What follows will be life; a documentation of my life and observations that come along with it.
Friends
People watching
Sorrows
Frustrations
Theology
Philosophy
The whole shebang
The kit and kaboodle
Get the picture?
Good....
Here we go!
P.S. All posts from 2009 are works from 2009, but I just recently posted them; that's why this is my first REAL blog.... just in case you were wondering. If not, oh well.... now you know anyhow ;)
It's too short to not live
It's too short to not love
As long as both are for the right person.....
Jesus Christ
This blog and the many posts that will follow are the result of being woken up. Woken up from a life of complacency and self-absorption. Woken up from the life of a luke-warm Christian. No more. Never settle.
What follows will be life; a documentation of my life and observations that come along with it.
Friends
People watching
Sorrows
Frustrations
Theology
Philosophy
The whole shebang
The kit and kaboodle
Get the picture?
Good....
Here we go!
P.S. All posts from 2009 are works from 2009, but I just recently posted them; that's why this is my first REAL blog.... just in case you were wondering. If not, oh well.... now you know anyhow ;)
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Heart of Hannah
A culmination of learning from my study Bible:
1 Sam. 1:10
Hannah had good reason to feel discouraged and bitter. She was unable to bear children; she shared her husband with a woman who ridiculed her (1:7); her loving husband could not solves her problem (1:8); and even the high priest misunderstood her motives (1:14). But instead of retaliating or giving up hope, Hannah prayed. She brought her problem honestly before God.
Each of us may face times of barrenness when nothing "comes to birth" in our work, service, or relationships. It is difficult to pray in faith when we feel so ineffective. But, as Hannah discovered, prayer opens the way for God to work (1:19,20).
1 Sam. 1:11
Be careful what you promise in prayer because God may take you up on it. Hannah so desperately wanted a child that she was willing to strike a bargain with God. God took her up on her promise, and to Hannah's credit, she did her part, even though it was painful (1:27, 28),
Although we are not in a position to barter with God, he may still choose to answer a prayer that has an attached promise. When you pray, ask yourself, "Will I follow through on any promises I make to God if he grants my request?" It is dishonest and dangerous to ignore a promise, especially to God. God keeps his promises, and he expects you to keep yours.
1 Sam. 1:26-28
To do what she promised (1:11), Hannah gave up what she wanted most - her son- and presented him to Eli to serve in the house of the Lord. In dedicating her only son to God, Hannah was dedicating her entire life and future to God. Because Samuel's life was from God, Hannah was not really giving him up. Rather she was returning him to God who had given Samuel to Hanna in the first place. These verses illustrated the kind of gifts we should give to God. Do your gifts cost you little (Sunday mornings, a comfortable tithe), or are they gifts of sacrifice? Are you presenting God with tokens, or are you presenting him with your entire life?
Hannah: The Real Bold and the Beautiful
Hannah's prayer shows us that all we have and receive is on loan from God. Hannah might have had many excuses for being a possessive mother. But when God answered her prayer, she followed through on her promise to dedicated Samuel to God's service.
She discovered that the greatest joy in having a child is to give that child fully and freely back to God. She entered motherhood prepared to do what all mothers must eventually do - let go of their children.
When children are born, they are completely dependent upon their parents for all their basic necessities. This causes some parents to forget that those same children will grow toward independence within the span of a few short years. Being sensitive to the different stages of that healthy process will greatly strengthen family relationships; resisting or denying that process will cause great pain. We must gradually let go of our children in order to allow them to become mature, interdependent adults.
Strengths and accomplishments:
mother of Samuel, Israel's greatest judge; fervent in worship, effective in prayer; willing to follow through on even a costly commitment
Weakness and mistake: struggled with her sense of self-worth, because she was unable to have children
Lessons from her life: God hears and answers prayer; our children are gifts from God; God is concerned for the oppressed and afflicted
1 Sam. 1:10
Hannah had good reason to feel discouraged and bitter. She was unable to bear children; she shared her husband with a woman who ridiculed her (1:7); her loving husband could not solves her problem (1:8); and even the high priest misunderstood her motives (1:14). But instead of retaliating or giving up hope, Hannah prayed. She brought her problem honestly before God.
Each of us may face times of barrenness when nothing "comes to birth" in our work, service, or relationships. It is difficult to pray in faith when we feel so ineffective. But, as Hannah discovered, prayer opens the way for God to work (1:19,20).
1 Sam. 1:11
Be careful what you promise in prayer because God may take you up on it. Hannah so desperately wanted a child that she was willing to strike a bargain with God. God took her up on her promise, and to Hannah's credit, she did her part, even though it was painful (1:27, 28),
Although we are not in a position to barter with God, he may still choose to answer a prayer that has an attached promise. When you pray, ask yourself, "Will I follow through on any promises I make to God if he grants my request?" It is dishonest and dangerous to ignore a promise, especially to God. God keeps his promises, and he expects you to keep yours.
1 Sam. 1:26-28
To do what she promised (1:11), Hannah gave up what she wanted most - her son- and presented him to Eli to serve in the house of the Lord. In dedicating her only son to God, Hannah was dedicating her entire life and future to God. Because Samuel's life was from God, Hannah was not really giving him up. Rather she was returning him to God who had given Samuel to Hanna in the first place. These verses illustrated the kind of gifts we should give to God. Do your gifts cost you little (Sunday mornings, a comfortable tithe), or are they gifts of sacrifice? Are you presenting God with tokens, or are you presenting him with your entire life?
Hannah: The Real Bold and the Beautiful
Hannah's prayer shows us that all we have and receive is on loan from God. Hannah might have had many excuses for being a possessive mother. But when God answered her prayer, she followed through on her promise to dedicated Samuel to God's service.
She discovered that the greatest joy in having a child is to give that child fully and freely back to God. She entered motherhood prepared to do what all mothers must eventually do - let go of their children.
When children are born, they are completely dependent upon their parents for all their basic necessities. This causes some parents to forget that those same children will grow toward independence within the span of a few short years. Being sensitive to the different stages of that healthy process will greatly strengthen family relationships; resisting or denying that process will cause great pain. We must gradually let go of our children in order to allow them to become mature, interdependent adults.
Strengths and accomplishments:
mother of Samuel, Israel's greatest judge; fervent in worship, effective in prayer; willing to follow through on even a costly commitment
Weakness and mistake: struggled with her sense of self-worth, because she was unable to have children
Lessons from her life: God hears and answers prayer; our children are gifts from God; God is concerned for the oppressed and afflicted
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Point of All Living: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
I love watching a herd of horses grazing in an open pasture, or running free across the wide, sage-covered plateaus in Montana. I love hiking in the high country when the wildflowers are blooming - the purple lupine and the Indian paintbrush when it's turning magenta. I love thunder clouds, massive ones. My family loves to sit outside on summer nights and watch the lightning, hear the thunder as a storm rolls in across Colorado. I love water, too - the oceans, streams, lakes rivers, waterfalls, rain. I love humping off high rocks into lakes with my boys. I love old barns, windmills, the West. I love vineyards. I love it when Stasi is loving something, love watching her delight. I love my boys. I love God.
Everything you love is what makes a life worth living. Take a moment, set down the book {or get off the computer}, and make a list of all the things you love. Don't edit yourself; don't worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love. Whether it's the people in your life or the things that bring you joy or the places that are dear to you or your God, you could not love them if you did not have a heart. Loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. A life filled with loving is a life most like the one that God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Eph. 5:1-2).
Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point-blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: loving God and loving others. Do this, he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place. Somewhere down inside we know it's true; we know love is the point. We know if we could truly love, and be loved, and never lost love, we would finally be happy. And is it even possible to love without your heart?
(Waking the Dead, 47-48)
I love watching a herd of horses grazing in an open pasture, or running free across the wide, sage-covered plateaus in Montana. I love hiking in the high country when the wildflowers are blooming - the purple lupine and the Indian paintbrush when it's turning magenta. I love thunder clouds, massive ones. My family loves to sit outside on summer nights and watch the lightning, hear the thunder as a storm rolls in across Colorado. I love water, too - the oceans, streams, lakes rivers, waterfalls, rain. I love humping off high rocks into lakes with my boys. I love old barns, windmills, the West. I love vineyards. I love it when Stasi is loving something, love watching her delight. I love my boys. I love God.
Everything you love is what makes a life worth living. Take a moment, set down the book {or get off the computer}, and make a list of all the things you love. Don't edit yourself; don't worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love. Whether it's the people in your life or the things that bring you joy or the places that are dear to you or your God, you could not love them if you did not have a heart. Loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. A life filled with loving is a life most like the one that God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Eph. 5:1-2).
Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point-blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: loving God and loving others. Do this, he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place. Somewhere down inside we know it's true; we know love is the point. We know if we could truly love, and be loved, and never lost love, we would finally be happy. And is it even possible to love without your heart?
(Waking the Dead, 47-48)
Popular Nonsense: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
"This is not to say the heart is only swirling emotion, mixed motives, and dark desire, without thought or reason. Far from it. According to Scripture, the heart is also where we do our deepest thinking. "Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their hearts," is a common phrase in the Gospels. This might be most surprising for those who have accepted the Great Modern Mistake that "the mind equals reason and the heart equals emotion." Most people believe that. I heard it again, just last night, from a very astute and devoted young man. "The mind is our reason; the heart is emotion," he said. What popular nonsense. Solomon is remembered as the wisest man ever, and it was not because of the size of his brain. Rather, when God invited him to ask for anything in all the world, Solomon asked for a wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).
Our deepest thoughts are held in our hearts. Scripture itself claims to be "sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Heb. 4:12). Not the feelings of the heart, the thoughts of the heart. Remember, when the shepherds reported the news that a company of angels had brought them out in the field, Mary "pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19), as you do when some news of great import keeps you up in the middle of the night. If you have a fear of heights, no amount of reasoning will get you to go bungee jumping. And if you are asked why you're paralyzed at the thought of it, you won't be able to explain. It is not rational, but it is your conviction nonetheless. Thus, the writer of Proverbs preempts Freud by about two thousand years when he says, "As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7 KJV). It is the thoughts and intents of the heart that shape a person's life.
(Waking the Dead, 44-45)
"This is not to say the heart is only swirling emotion, mixed motives, and dark desire, without thought or reason. Far from it. According to Scripture, the heart is also where we do our deepest thinking. "Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their hearts," is a common phrase in the Gospels. This might be most surprising for those who have accepted the Great Modern Mistake that "the mind equals reason and the heart equals emotion." Most people believe that. I heard it again, just last night, from a very astute and devoted young man. "The mind is our reason; the heart is emotion," he said. What popular nonsense. Solomon is remembered as the wisest man ever, and it was not because of the size of his brain. Rather, when God invited him to ask for anything in all the world, Solomon asked for a wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).
Our deepest thoughts are held in our hearts. Scripture itself claims to be "sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Heb. 4:12). Not the feelings of the heart, the thoughts of the heart. Remember, when the shepherds reported the news that a company of angels had brought them out in the field, Mary "pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19), as you do when some news of great import keeps you up in the middle of the night. If you have a fear of heights, no amount of reasoning will get you to go bungee jumping. And if you are asked why you're paralyzed at the thought of it, you won't be able to explain. It is not rational, but it is your conviction nonetheless. Thus, the writer of Proverbs preempts Freud by about two thousand years when he says, "As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7 KJV). It is the thoughts and intents of the heart that shape a person's life.
(Waking the Dead, 44-45)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Previously I have posted my rants on facebook, but I don't think anyone ever reads them, so I've decided to re-post them here.... Maybe on a blog they'll make a difference and be read more....
Crippling our Country
What with all the hoo haa and whatnot that has been going on politically for the past year, I know many people who are sick of it all. The backstabbing, mudslinging, and one-upping of the political candidates is enough to make one hurl. Not to mention all the media that has been dominating our T.V. airwaves and newspapers. Believe me, I understand. I'm one of them.
However, in spite of the queasy feeling one gets in their stomach when the topic of politics arises, I know far too many college students who have decided not to vote.
What? Why not?
"I'm too busy", "None of the candidates agendas matches my beliefs", "I just don't feel like it", and "What will my one vote really do to change this country?"
Please, people, think!
I know it is hard sometimes in our busy American lives to focus in any capacity on politics, but we need to! I'm sick and tired of hearing people bash the candidates and bash the election and bash America! Let's think about this...
What are your core values? No candidate is ever going to perfectly fit exactly what we want, but that's o.k. Politics is one thing where we will need to understand compromise in some areas! What is more important: that our troops come home or that millions of unborn children are killed every year by abortion? As one who has been personally effected by America's war on terrorism, I understand the desire of parents, husbands, and wives to have their loved ones come home safe. But did you ever stop to think about what would have happened if we had never launched a counter attack? Would America even exist anymore? I'm not saying that I am in support of randomly killing people, striking villages and cities where it is suspected that terrorists live, but at the time our current President ordered the attack, it seemed like the best thing to do. Do we want our next president to make the same kind of mistakes? or do we want a president who truly understands war and the occasional need for it, and at the same time understands the sanctity of family, faith, and loyalty to our American values?
Please, in spite of my tirade and if I have offended you, please vote! Educate yourself! It is the best thing you can do to stop the crippling trend of complacency in America. Look at http://www.johnmccain.com/ versus http://www.barackobama.com/ , then make your decision.
I'm not afraid to say that I am voting for McCain/Palin. There are certain American values that they understand, certain Biblically and Constitutionally based values that, if followed the way they say they will, could turn this country around.
However, in spite of the queasy feeling one gets in their stomach when the topic of politics arises, I know far too many college students who have decided not to vote.
What? Why not?
"I'm too busy", "None of the candidates agendas matches my beliefs", "I just don't feel like it", and "What will my one vote really do to change this country?"
Please, people, think!
I know it is hard sometimes in our busy American lives to focus in any capacity on politics, but we need to! I'm sick and tired of hearing people bash the candidates and bash the election and bash America! Let's think about this...
What are your core values? No candidate is ever going to perfectly fit exactly what we want, but that's o.k. Politics is one thing where we will need to understand compromise in some areas! What is more important: that our troops come home or that millions of unborn children are killed every year by abortion? As one who has been personally effected by America's war on terrorism, I understand the desire of parents, husbands, and wives to have their loved ones come home safe. But did you ever stop to think about what would have happened if we had never launched a counter attack? Would America even exist anymore? I'm not saying that I am in support of randomly killing people, striking villages and cities where it is suspected that terrorists live, but at the time our current President ordered the attack, it seemed like the best thing to do. Do we want our next president to make the same kind of mistakes? or do we want a president who truly understands war and the occasional need for it, and at the same time understands the sanctity of family, faith, and loyalty to our American values?
Please, in spite of my tirade and if I have offended you, please vote! Educate yourself! It is the best thing you can do to stop the crippling trend of complacency in America. Look at http://www.johnmccain.com/ versus http://www.barackobama.com
I'm not afraid to say that I am voting for McCain/Palin. There are certain American values that they understand, certain Biblically and Constitutionally based values that, if followed the way they say they will, could turn this country around.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A Distant Whisper: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
When the young prophet Samuel heard the voice of God calling to him in the night, he had the counsel from his priestly mentor, Eli, to tell him how to respond. Even so, it took them three times to realize it was God calling. Rather than ignoring the voice, or rebuking it, Samuel finally listened.
In our modern, pragmatic world we often have no such mentor, so we do not understand it is God speaking to us in our heart. Having so long been out of touch with our deepest longing, we fail to recognize the voice and the One who is calling to us through it. Frustrated by our heart's continuing sabotage of a dutiful Christian life, some of us silence the voice by locking our heart away in the attic, feeding it only the bread and water of duty and obligation until it is almost dead, the voice now small and weak. But sometimes in the night, when our defenses are down, we still hear it call to us, oh so faintly - a distant whisper. Come morning, the new day's activities scream for our attention, the sound of the cry is gone, and we congratulate ourselves on finally overcoming the flesh.
Others of us agree to give our heart a life on the side if it will only leave us alone and not rock the boat. We try to lose ourselves in our work, or "get a hobby" (either of which soon begins to feel like and addiction); we have an affair, or develop a colorful fantasy life fed by dime-store romances or pornography. We learn to enjoy the juicy intrigues and secrets of gossip. We make sure to maintain enough distance between ourselves and others, and even between ourselves and our own heart, to keep hidden the practical agnosticism we are living now that our inner life has been divorced from our outer life. Having thus appeased our heart, we nonetheless are forced to give up our spiritual journey because our heart will no longer come with us. It is bound up in the little indulgences we feed it to keep it at bay.
(The Sacred Romance, 2-3)
When the young prophet Samuel heard the voice of God calling to him in the night, he had the counsel from his priestly mentor, Eli, to tell him how to respond. Even so, it took them three times to realize it was God calling. Rather than ignoring the voice, or rebuking it, Samuel finally listened.
In our modern, pragmatic world we often have no such mentor, so we do not understand it is God speaking to us in our heart. Having so long been out of touch with our deepest longing, we fail to recognize the voice and the One who is calling to us through it. Frustrated by our heart's continuing sabotage of a dutiful Christian life, some of us silence the voice by locking our heart away in the attic, feeding it only the bread and water of duty and obligation until it is almost dead, the voice now small and weak. But sometimes in the night, when our defenses are down, we still hear it call to us, oh so faintly - a distant whisper. Come morning, the new day's activities scream for our attention, the sound of the cry is gone, and we congratulate ourselves on finally overcoming the flesh.
Others of us agree to give our heart a life on the side if it will only leave us alone and not rock the boat. We try to lose ourselves in our work, or "get a hobby" (either of which soon begins to feel like and addiction); we have an affair, or develop a colorful fantasy life fed by dime-store romances or pornography. We learn to enjoy the juicy intrigues and secrets of gossip. We make sure to maintain enough distance between ourselves and others, and even between ourselves and our own heart, to keep hidden the practical agnosticism we are living now that our inner life has been divorced from our outer life. Having thus appeased our heart, we nonetheless are forced to give up our spiritual journey because our heart will no longer come with us. It is bound up in the little indulgences we feed it to keep it at bay.
(The Sacred Romance, 2-3)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
This was a poem I wrote while on Spring Break my last year of college.... Enjoy
I was looking out the window at the barren trees and remembering summer with all it's twists and turns....
Tornado
It started with wind
Touching the trees lightly and
Tickling their leaves
Up next came the clouds
Dark and ominous, oozing
Over the prairie
Then came the wet rain
Gently at first, preceding the
Deafening downpour
The wind, once gentle
Now rages at the black sky
Trees tremble with fear
Furious, black, and twisted
A finger from the heavens
Reaches to the earth
Tenaciously the
Infant leaves cling to Mother
Her roots quake the ground
The finger rips, tears,
Uproots Mother, sucking her
To a splin’tring death
Quickly as it came
The villain leaves, a crooked
Path left in it’s wake
Death seems the only
King, but Mother still smiles
Her life did not end
Some infants live on
Though thrown to the ground, refuse
To be beaten now
In the path of death
Her fragile seeds bring new life
Beauty from the ashes
Clouds, once ominous
Now float happily above
The children of pain
Long ago one was
Beaten but now lives again:
It started with the wind
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