I don't like them....
I mean, I DO welcome them, but I also don't. Does that make sense? I try, really I do, to appreciate the challenges that life throws at me, but it's so hard to stave off the fear, the worry, the unknown creeping up like a snake, just waiting to bite you in the butt.
Don't get me wrong, I love adventure, new people, places, and things, but getting to that point is sometimes harder than expected.
This is what it is to be an adult. These are just a few changes that I want to contemplate:
Family - I think these are some of the hardest changes to adapt to. You have your family from the time you are born to the time you die. They will always be related to you, you will always have fights with them, you will always lose them to a certain extent. Take, for instance, my older brother. As we have grown, we went from being best friends, to worst enemies, to indifferent, back to best friends, now to an indescribable state of differences. We see the world through two different telescopes, limits set at two different heights. My younger sister: used to be the one I couldn't get away from even if I wanted to, now she's the only one I wish to be so much closer to, but now she has her own telescope, her own limits. When did that happen? Something about college and relationships developed within, changes a girl into a woman, one I can't relate to or talk honestly to anymore. My younger brother - sweetest kid in the world who I've always had an awesome relationship with and anticipate always being close to - And my parents: we've had our differences, but who hasn't?
What is it about the passing of years, the moving of households, the marriages, that changes a family so? The children, who come from the same parents, the same upbringing, each end up with their own telescope, all looking at the same world that God made, but all in different directions! Each one sees something different, and becomes convinced that their direction is right, perfect, and the only way to go. Why? When did we become so unmoving and ungracious that there is no room for differing points of view under the same heavenly Father?
Personal - These changes are always enlightening; sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes upsetting. I have recently taken some time to reflect on the many versions of myself that have happened over the years and, let me tell YOU, there have been alot. There was the shy, reserved, yet tenacious and precocious me. There was the depressed me, the one that saw no hope in life and only wanted to die. There has been the loving/loved me, the cheated-on/rejected me, the college freshy me, the ambitious me, and the soul searching me. The me who doubted that God existed, the me who wanted to proclaim to the world that He does.
Then there's the me of now. The still-single me, the me who wants everything the world has to offer, yet struggles with the prudence and wisdom of such desires, the me who has to think about more that just what new clothes to buy or how often I go out to party with friends.
And yet.....
Most days, I'm o.k. with this me. I've learned about patience and frustration, contentment and desire, waiting and going. I've had heartbreak, healing, independence, reliance, rejection, and love. All these things are contributing to the real me - Evolving Me. 'Cause let's face it - If that wasn't the real me, I would have broken a long time ago.
This is the frustration.... and the miracle.... of change. We learn, we adapt, we learn more, we adapt more. If we didn't, what would happen to the human race? What would happen to families, relationships, people? We would crumble. But how, why, are we like that? What is the 'cosmic glue' that holds people together? God. God is love. He created us in His image, His son preached all about it, the disciples preached all about it. We love BECAUSE He first loved us. Not because we have any primal desire to, quite the contrary! The fall of humanity made us hateful, greedy, vengeful, lustful - we lost certain characteristics that God originally made us to have. Yet because of His love for us, our ability to love remains.
Did you know that there are over 200 references in the Bible that have the word 'love' in them? I have yet to do more research on it, some kind of exegesis that will perhaps take place this summer, but I'm pretty sure that says something to us about the nature of God AND about WHY changes happen.
There is change because there is love. There is love because there is God. Therefore, change happens because of God. It's not easy, but I don't remember anything in the Word saying that it would be.
