Read and contemplate.....
Until we come to terms with war as the context of our days, we will not understand life. We will misinterpret 90 percent of what is happening around us and to us. It will be very hard to believe that God's intentions toward us are life abundant; it will be even harder not to feel that somehow we are just blowing it. Worse, we will begin to accept some really awful things about God. That four-year-old being molested by her daddy - that is "God's will"? That ugly divorce that tore your family apart - God wanted that to happen too? And that plane crash that took the lives of so many - that was ordained by God?
Most people get stuck at some point because God appears to have abandoned them. He is not coming through. Speaking about her life with a mixture of disappointment and cynicism, a young woman recently said to me, "God is rather silent right now." Yes, it's been awful. I don't discount that for a moment. She is unloved; she is unemployed; she is under a lot. But her attitude strikes me as deeply naive, on the level of someone caught in a cross fire who asks, rather shocked and with a sense of betrayal, "God, why won't you make them stop firing at me?" I'm sorry, but that's not where we are right now. It's not where we are in the Story. That day is coming, later, when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and we'll beat swords into plowshares. For now, it's a bloody battle.
It sure explains a whole heckuva lot.
You won't understand your life, you won't see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here, unless you see it as a battle. A war against your heart.
(Waking the Dead, 17-18)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A Part Too Large: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
The things that have happened to us often suggest that the real script of the play we're all living is "God is indifferent" rather than "God is love." Deep down in our hearts, in the place where the story is formed, this experience of God as indifferent drives us to write our own scripts. Job apparently lived with this anxiety about God even before this tribulations descended upon him, as evidenced bu his exclamation from the ashes of his home and his life: "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me" (Job 3:25, emphasis added).
Job was a God-fearing man and yet something in him suspected that faith in God did no necessarily translate into peace and safety. Of course, Job had no inkling of the discussion going on in heaven between God and Satan. It was a debate over whether the foundation of God's kingdom was based on genuine love or power. And astonishingly, God was placing the perception of his own integrity as well as the reputation of his whole kingdom on the genuineness of Job's heart. (See Job 1:6-12; 2:1-10.)
Indeed, when we consider hos central a part Job was given in the drama God was directing, we are confronted with the reality that we, too, could be in the same position. It seems that the part God has written for us is much too big and certainly too dangerous. Paul confirms this thought in Ephesians when he tells us, "The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence" (1:22-23 The Message). Every human being is of great significance to God, but those whom God has drawn to believe in him are center stage in a drama of cosmic proportions.
(The Sacred Romance, 50, 53)
The things that have happened to us often suggest that the real script of the play we're all living is "God is indifferent" rather than "God is love." Deep down in our hearts, in the place where the story is formed, this experience of God as indifferent drives us to write our own scripts. Job apparently lived with this anxiety about God even before this tribulations descended upon him, as evidenced bu his exclamation from the ashes of his home and his life: "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me" (Job 3:25, emphasis added).
Job was a God-fearing man and yet something in him suspected that faith in God did no necessarily translate into peace and safety. Of course, Job had no inkling of the discussion going on in heaven between God and Satan. It was a debate over whether the foundation of God's kingdom was based on genuine love or power. And astonishingly, God was placing the perception of his own integrity as well as the reputation of his whole kingdom on the genuineness of Job's heart. (See Job 1:6-12; 2:1-10.)
Indeed, when we consider hos central a part Job was given in the drama God was directing, we are confronted with the reality that we, too, could be in the same position. It seems that the part God has written for us is much too big and certainly too dangerous. Paul confirms this thought in Ephesians when he tells us, "The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence" (1:22-23 The Message). Every human being is of great significance to God, but those whom God has drawn to believe in him are center stage in a drama of cosmic proportions.
(The Sacred Romance, 50, 53)
God's Ultimate Glory
So after I've just ranted and raved about dreams and God's plan and such, I found some interesting things in my Bible study:
I have been attempting to read through the Bible, beginning to end. I know some people say that it's a mistake to try it that way, but I'm feeling the need to get the whole picture, history of Israel through the end of the world.
Anyhow, last night I was reading in Exodus about Moses and the burning bush, a common enough story some may say, but I read something that I'd never realized was there before. I re-read it again tonight and it stands even truer:
10Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nore since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." (That parts fine, it's this next stuff that got me!) 11The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (From Exodus 4).
Can you imagine how many times God got frustrated with Moses? And yet Moses still led the people out of slavery in Egypt and for many years after that. However, because of his disobedience on several occasions, he never was allowed to enter the Promised Land with his people. I don't know about you, but I want the Promised Land of today!
I have been attempting to read through the Bible, beginning to end. I know some people say that it's a mistake to try it that way, but I'm feeling the need to get the whole picture, history of Israel through the end of the world.
Anyhow, last night I was reading in Exodus about Moses and the burning bush, a common enough story some may say, but I read something that I'd never realized was there before. I re-read it again tonight and it stands even truer:
10Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nore since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." (That parts fine, it's this next stuff that got me!) 11The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (From Exodus 4).
Can you imagine how many times God got frustrated with Moses? And yet Moses still led the people out of slavery in Egypt and for many years after that. However, because of his disobedience on several occasions, he never was allowed to enter the Promised Land with his people. I don't know about you, but I want the Promised Land of today!
Dreams
Are dreams meant to be realized or shelf-ized?
I've just been thinking about this alot recently. Right now I have alot of commitments to fulfill, bills to pay off, and growing to do, but what is it about my dreams that feel unreachable?
I don't feel like God made me to be content with a typical life. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He didn't! I just often have troubles with figuring out where I'm going. I'm at a point in my life where 90% of my friends are married or engaged. If I think about it too much, I just get bogged down in self pity. Don't get me wrong, most of them I'm really, really happy for! Best friends of mine who are good, solid, smart, educated ladies who have found outstanding, respectable men to share their lives with. A few of these friends have found that one man who won't look down on them because they're a woman, but at the same time have the sense and the decency and the understanding of their wives/fiancees to know when they need to step in and protect.
Where are those men? Those who aren't threatened by an educated woman's sense of self, strength, inner Amazonian-like women warriors-in-the-Spirit.
Yet also where are those women? Women who want and will allow, even encourage the man to step up and take his place in the family, in society? Women who want to stand by that amazing man in ministry, whatever and wherever it may be, who want to have children and raise families to continue to fight for God's causes in a corrupt world?
Where are the women like me?
I was just told the other day by a co-worker, albeit not the brightest bulb on the block, that she felt the need to 'dumb herself down' to make friends and be liked by people.
What???????
Since when is it o.k. for any female to degrade themselves to a point where, no matter what their real hair color, all anyone sees is a dumb blondes? Since when is it o.k. for men to treat us like a simple, helpless piece of meat meant to be chewed up and spit out???
But maybe I'm going too far. I'm just so tired and upset of living in a world without God. A nation that perpetuates the belief that 'the American dream' is the ideal. I don't think it is.
A life of service to our Lord and to each other should be the norm, the ideal. What has happened to the dreamers??? Where has everyone gone who believed in something more than a big house in the suburbs with a dog and three kids? I believe in one of my previous posts I did mention something about wanting that. Not anymore. I want the things of God. I want to travel and see the world through His eyes. I want to feel His heartbeat for the return of His people to Him. I want to be a woman of God not taken for granted, yet also treated with respect for my experience and expertise in work and life.
You know, dreams are funny things, how they change, evolve, and sometimes disappear. I grew up wanting to be a ballerina, a firefighter, a policewoman, a teacher, a musician, a mom, a doctor... all at once! haha....
Those things are still a fond recollection in the fog of my past, but now I have grown to realize that it's not humanly possible to do all of that together. My dreams of a family, travel, ministry, pets; they've all evolved.
But my dreams of adventure have never died. I have been created for an amazing adventure - I just don't know what it is yet. I want more than this world has to offer. I am learning to wait more quietly, mature in a more focused manner, but still dream bigger. It's hard, it's scary, but I have a feeling that in the end, it will all be worth it.
I've just been thinking about this alot recently. Right now I have alot of commitments to fulfill, bills to pay off, and growing to do, but what is it about my dreams that feel unreachable?
I don't feel like God made me to be content with a typical life. As a matter of fact, I KNOW He didn't! I just often have troubles with figuring out where I'm going. I'm at a point in my life where 90% of my friends are married or engaged. If I think about it too much, I just get bogged down in self pity. Don't get me wrong, most of them I'm really, really happy for! Best friends of mine who are good, solid, smart, educated ladies who have found outstanding, respectable men to share their lives with. A few of these friends have found that one man who won't look down on them because they're a woman, but at the same time have the sense and the decency and the understanding of their wives/fiancees to know when they need to step in and protect.
Where are those men? Those who aren't threatened by an educated woman's sense of self, strength, inner Amazonian-like women warriors-in-the-Spirit.
Yet also where are those women? Women who want and will allow, even encourage the man to step up and take his place in the family, in society? Women who want to stand by that amazing man in ministry, whatever and wherever it may be, who want to have children and raise families to continue to fight for God's causes in a corrupt world?
Where are the women like me?
I was just told the other day by a co-worker, albeit not the brightest bulb on the block, that she felt the need to 'dumb herself down' to make friends and be liked by people.
What???????
Since when is it o.k. for any female to degrade themselves to a point where, no matter what their real hair color, all anyone sees is a dumb blondes? Since when is it o.k. for men to treat us like a simple, helpless piece of meat meant to be chewed up and spit out???
But maybe I'm going too far. I'm just so tired and upset of living in a world without God. A nation that perpetuates the belief that 'the American dream' is the ideal. I don't think it is.
A life of service to our Lord and to each other should be the norm, the ideal. What has happened to the dreamers??? Where has everyone gone who believed in something more than a big house in the suburbs with a dog and three kids? I believe in one of my previous posts I did mention something about wanting that. Not anymore. I want the things of God. I want to travel and see the world through His eyes. I want to feel His heartbeat for the return of His people to Him. I want to be a woman of God not taken for granted, yet also treated with respect for my experience and expertise in work and life.
You know, dreams are funny things, how they change, evolve, and sometimes disappear. I grew up wanting to be a ballerina, a firefighter, a policewoman, a teacher, a musician, a mom, a doctor... all at once! haha....
Those things are still a fond recollection in the fog of my past, but now I have grown to realize that it's not humanly possible to do all of that together. My dreams of a family, travel, ministry, pets; they've all evolved.
But my dreams of adventure have never died. I have been created for an amazing adventure - I just don't know what it is yet. I want more than this world has to offer. I am learning to wait more quietly, mature in a more focused manner, but still dream bigger. It's hard, it's scary, but I have a feeling that in the end, it will all be worth it.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
My Perceptions of Reality with and without Christ
Life is a funny thing.
Sometimes it's rainy, sometimes it's sunny; sometimes busy, sometimes boring; sometimes fast sometimes slow. Today is a rainy (literally), marginally boring, slow day.
And it's my day off :)
Since my last post, things have improved immeasurably! Last week was overly stressful and unbelievably busy. Work the first part of the week, meltdown Tuesday night, 4 house guests Thursday and Friday night (my family), 2 more early Saturday morning night, a wedding rehearsal and ceremony Thursday and Friday (with tornadic tendencies one day and Sahara-like heat the next), church Sunday morning and necessities shopping with the roommates Sunday night. Uff-da! Sunday after church I'd left a note for my Caribou manager informing him of my need for less hours - typically an odd request. I knew I'd probably have to cover Monday and Tuesday closing shifts for the next couple of weeks, as they had already been scheduled. I had searched for someone to cover my Monday night this week to no avail. However, when I did arrive Monday night to work, I found that my manager had somehow already rearranged the schedule for next week so that I only work Wednesday mornings! I couldn't believe it! What a blessing!
In addition to that brightening my day, I also had someone ask me out on a date! It was a little odd as it was a customer who I had only seen a few times before. He's a nice enough guy, but I'm not sure how old he is or what his faith is, so I didn't really give him an answer. I have no desire to get in over my head again with someone who doesn't share my relationship in my Father. As flattering as it was, it also made me think about my hopes and dreams for my future. I know everything is in God's hands, but I also know (with help from Dr. Barnes in college) that we were not made to be helpless clay. God provided His salvation so that we would have a way to escape the typical worries of a human life. We still have them, but because of His salvation we also have a way to hand them over to His control in exchange for the peace that passes all understanding.
I know that He has a perfect plan for my future and I need to be still on a regular basis to listen for His leading. But I also know that I need to make a decision to not worry and pray for my future husband on a regular basis. Honestly, this very principle of trust and honor is something that I have scoffed at for years. I used to think that it was pointless to pray for someone or something that may never happen. Now I see differently. I have been working very hard to make prayer a part of my daily life, as frequent as breathing.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy or as comfortable as breathing. I have found that it can be quite painful. In prayer, we are required to give up something of ourselves, of our selfishness. I don't want to pray for the people who have hurt me, but in doing so I am slowly healing. I don't like not having a set plan for the next 5 years of my life, but in doing so I open myself up more to the doors that God will open. I REALLY don't like giving up my financial situation to God, but in doing so and being faithful of everything that He is asking of me now, I continue to be stretched.
Nothing about a life of faith is logically comfortable. Faith takes away OUR control of situations, but it turn, we open our eyes and our hearts to see God do outstanding things through us and leave behind a legacy of faithfulness. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have the best that He's got for me and life for HIS glory than live with a faulty perception of what I was created for.
I am not an accident of particles and cells colliding or morphing. I am a miracle; flawed in my humanity, but saved and daily working to become more like Christ.
Sometimes it's rainy, sometimes it's sunny; sometimes busy, sometimes boring; sometimes fast sometimes slow. Today is a rainy (literally), marginally boring, slow day.
And it's my day off :)
Since my last post, things have improved immeasurably! Last week was overly stressful and unbelievably busy. Work the first part of the week, meltdown Tuesday night, 4 house guests Thursday and Friday night (my family), 2 more early Saturday morning night, a wedding rehearsal and ceremony Thursday and Friday (with tornadic tendencies one day and Sahara-like heat the next), church Sunday morning and necessities shopping with the roommates Sunday night. Uff-da! Sunday after church I'd left a note for my Caribou manager informing him of my need for less hours - typically an odd request. I knew I'd probably have to cover Monday and Tuesday closing shifts for the next couple of weeks, as they had already been scheduled. I had searched for someone to cover my Monday night this week to no avail. However, when I did arrive Monday night to work, I found that my manager had somehow already rearranged the schedule for next week so that I only work Wednesday mornings! I couldn't believe it! What a blessing!
In addition to that brightening my day, I also had someone ask me out on a date! It was a little odd as it was a customer who I had only seen a few times before. He's a nice enough guy, but I'm not sure how old he is or what his faith is, so I didn't really give him an answer. I have no desire to get in over my head again with someone who doesn't share my relationship in my Father. As flattering as it was, it also made me think about my hopes and dreams for my future. I know everything is in God's hands, but I also know (with help from Dr. Barnes in college) that we were not made to be helpless clay. God provided His salvation so that we would have a way to escape the typical worries of a human life. We still have them, but because of His salvation we also have a way to hand them over to His control in exchange for the peace that passes all understanding.
I know that He has a perfect plan for my future and I need to be still on a regular basis to listen for His leading. But I also know that I need to make a decision to not worry and pray for my future husband on a regular basis. Honestly, this very principle of trust and honor is something that I have scoffed at for years. I used to think that it was pointless to pray for someone or something that may never happen. Now I see differently. I have been working very hard to make prayer a part of my daily life, as frequent as breathing.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy or as comfortable as breathing. I have found that it can be quite painful. In prayer, we are required to give up something of ourselves, of our selfishness. I don't want to pray for the people who have hurt me, but in doing so I am slowly healing. I don't like not having a set plan for the next 5 years of my life, but in doing so I open myself up more to the doors that God will open. I REALLY don't like giving up my financial situation to God, but in doing so and being faithful of everything that He is asking of me now, I continue to be stretched.
Nothing about a life of faith is logically comfortable. Faith takes away OUR control of situations, but it turn, we open our eyes and our hearts to see God do outstanding things through us and leave behind a legacy of faithfulness. I don't know about you, but I'd rather have the best that He's got for me and life for HIS glory than live with a faulty perception of what I was created for.
I am not an accident of particles and cells colliding or morphing. I am a miracle; flawed in my humanity, but saved and daily working to become more like Christ.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Emotions
So......
It's been a while. Let's see if I can catch up a little. Since the last time I blogged, I have gotten a full-time job with about 40 hours a week in addition to the part time job I have at the coffee shop.....
I think I must be trying to set a new record for the fastest suicide-by-work ever.
I just started the new job on Monday (well, it's not even really that new, just a more intense version of what I've BEEN doing), but since Sunday I've worked 44.5 hours between the two jobs.... Yikes - that's actually the first time I've added it all up.... holy cannoli...
So I'm meaning this to be short - just a descriptor of what that much work can do to a human being in 4 and a half days. Last night I kind of had an emotional breakdown - not fun. I kind of exploded on my wonderful roommate who just got us wifi for the apartment - not cool. It has been reaffirmed (yet again) that I am a highly emotional person, especially in comparison to my roommates. Both are females, yet they don't seem to understand the typical connection between the female heart, mind, and emotions. I'm not sure how they do it, but they think logically... all the time! I can do it when I have to; I can also do it when I have adequate sleep, but one of my roommates works like crazy and she never seems to have an emotional breakdown, at least not one that I have ever seen.
So what do you think? I mean, I know only two of my friends actually follow my blog, but if there are any other females out there in cyberspace, what do you think? How is this possible? Am I just socially unprepared for the rigors of real life? Or have I been made so sensative for a different reason?
Who knows but God, I guess... Now I should really sleep.... the week isn't done yet...
It's been a while. Let's see if I can catch up a little. Since the last time I blogged, I have gotten a full-time job with about 40 hours a week in addition to the part time job I have at the coffee shop.....
I think I must be trying to set a new record for the fastest suicide-by-work ever.
I just started the new job on Monday (well, it's not even really that new, just a more intense version of what I've BEEN doing), but since Sunday I've worked 44.5 hours between the two jobs.... Yikes - that's actually the first time I've added it all up.... holy cannoli...
So I'm meaning this to be short - just a descriptor of what that much work can do to a human being in 4 and a half days. Last night I kind of had an emotional breakdown - not fun. I kind of exploded on my wonderful roommate who just got us wifi for the apartment - not cool. It has been reaffirmed (yet again) that I am a highly emotional person, especially in comparison to my roommates. Both are females, yet they don't seem to understand the typical connection between the female heart, mind, and emotions. I'm not sure how they do it, but they think logically... all the time! I can do it when I have to; I can also do it when I have adequate sleep, but one of my roommates works like crazy and she never seems to have an emotional breakdown, at least not one that I have ever seen.
So what do you think? I mean, I know only two of my friends actually follow my blog, but if there are any other females out there in cyberspace, what do you think? How is this possible? Am I just socially unprepared for the rigors of real life? Or have I been made so sensative for a different reason?
Who knows but God, I guess... Now I should really sleep.... the week isn't done yet...
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