Purpose....
This word is often used when speaking about one's place in life; the desire for living; the point of life. What's mine? How should I know?
I was at my church on Friday night listening to a guy from Scotland tell about three journeys in life that he has taken: a journey to purpose, a journey to compassion, and a journey towards God. I feel like if that's what life is, then I've been dead or dying for a while.
A journey towards God. THIS is a renewed thing for me. I gave my life to Christ when I was little, rededicated it to him in my early teens, and now I'm rediscovering it yet again. Our God is a remarkable being; no matter how many times I've lost my way and gotten caught up in the trappings of this world, He still waits for me, with open arms, sometimes to comfort, sometimes to discipline then comfort. Amazing. I'm still blown away every time I think about His love for me....
A journey to compassion. I used to think of myself as a very, very compassionate person. Somewhere along the way, sometime during college, I got so caught up in myself and my own worries that I forgot what it means to feel someone else's pain, to love when no one else will. This is a journey that has also been renewed for me. I'm relearning what it means to see the heart of the Father and weep as He does for the injustice of His people, for the abandonment of His precious children, for the sin in this world. I thank God that my heart never got to a point where it was too hard to turn around....
A journey to purpose. What is my purpose? I'm at a point in my life where nothing truly satisfies me. Is this bad? It's been almost a year since I graduated college and I still don't feel like I have that God-given direction for my life. There have been times in my life when everything was going right. There have also been times when everything was going wrong. Now I'm in the middle. An equal amount of right and wrong happen in my life everyday. I'm tired of this middle ground. I want to know my purpose......... There is one thing that I can say I know that I'm meant to do: serve. Serve this world for His glory. But what else? That can't be it, can it? I need specifics. I need to know where I fit. I know I'm a versatile person who can be comfortable in almost any situation, but I can't help feeling that there has got to be that niche that I'm meant to fit in perfectly. That place where I'm valued, where I make a difference; that place that uses all of my talents somehow for the glory of God!
I feel like I'm stagnating; stuck in a dirty pool of water with no outlet, no inlet, and mosquitoes breeding on my surface. How do I get out? How do I get from where I am to the open sea, where everything moves and flows together in a beautiful, wild rhythm?
I continue on two of the three journeys, wishing to embark on the third but not knowing where to start. I feel so loved by my Father every day, but I have no way to let that spill over my containment and effect those around me.
Does this make me a mediocre Christian? Oh, anything but that! Lord, let me not be the lukewarm water that You cannot bear!
I burn with coals inside me, waiting for the hand that holds the fan to make me a flame. Where do I fit?
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