Something happened today.
I saw the sunrise.
For those of you who know me, you know I'm NOT a morning person. I was scheduled for a shift at Caribou that started at 0730, which meant I needed to be conscious enough by 0615 to start getting ready. I never know what kind of shape my hair is going to be in the morning, so I must always prepare for the worst. (haha.... no, really, though.....)
I got my bowl of cereal, just like I always do. This morning it was Trix, which some people say are only for kids, but I'm not a rabbit and my heart is still young, so I eat them.
I proceeded to open the blinds to our deck and was greeted by one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. A sunrise that looked like paint cans of orange, pink, yellow, blue, purple, and the variations in between had been flung across the sky. Though I'd had a good weekend, the night before had left me tired and wondering what this full week would look like for me. As I stood eating my colorful Trix and watching the aurora borealis-like sunrise, I knew this week would be great.
I for the longest time I didn't believe people who said I was missing out by not ever seeing a sunrise. Last summer when work meant camping outdoors and getting sweaty and dirty every day, I was required as one of the leaders to rise from the beautiful slumber by 0630 every day. Usually, I barely made it out of my tent by 0645. Today, it made me want to get up early every day, just to see what surprise painting my Maker has for me..... but not QUITE enough to actually get to bed early ;) Early day again tomorrow.... We'll see what He's got for me then!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Walking and Musing; Mud and Music
I went for a walk this evening. Nothing spectacular, but I found some great inclines and now my thighs are burning.... this is a goooood thing. :D Walking in the evening is one of my favorite things to do - The day is waning, the birds are still chirping (and in this case, flirting), and there is a general rest about the day. As I walked, I found myself musing about many things. For example....
Isn't it remarkable how good it feels to walk on a dirt path, which at this point is half mud, and smell all the newness of spring coming? To see the new buds peeking through that mud, to listen as the dry, old oak leaves fall from the trees to make room for the new buds that are pushing their way out. To hear the music of all the twitterpated birds: flirting finches, courageous cardinals, doting ducks, chipper chickadees, gallant geese, radiating red-winged blackbirds, even the squirrels want in, scolding from their high perches. All of this together makes a symphony worthy of God. And that's just it. Not only is it worthy of God, it's conducted by Him! He has created this world the perfect distance from the sun that spins at the perfect speed so we aren't crushed or find ourselves floating off, a speed and distance which also assures that seasons come and go, things are born and die, and the sun and the moon rise and set. These things offer us peace, but only if viewed with the understanding that there is a God who created this all. He is the One who maintains the consistency. He is the One in control and He could choose to change it or let it all go. What would happen to our sanity, for example, if the sun rose in the west one day? What about if rivers started flowing up or the tides were reversed? God could do that if He really wanted to, don't you think? Yet He chooses to maintain this consistency.
Why?
Because He loves us! We humans thrive on consistency. Some people tend to be more free-spirited than others (moi, for example), and yet if certain aspects of physics and facts of our known world ceased to exist, we would go out of our minds! God created each one of us and loves us so much that He gave us this world, trees and birds and animals and grass and rocks and mountains and rivers and oceans and the sun and the moon and the stars!!!!! Everywhere I look I see His glory and the joy that He created this world with.
Yet another thing that I saw was the sunset. Though obstructed to a certain extent by the obscenely large houses of the neighborhood, the sky above the setting sun testified to my Father's love for me. One moment I wished I had my camera with me to capture what I was seeing and share it with you, but the next I realized that nothing could compare to what I was seeing. First I wanted to compare the texture and color of the clouds to Monet, but maybe Manet was better. Or Cassat, but I didn't want to rule out Rembrant, Remington, Da Vinci, or any of the other 'greats' either. Digitalblasphemy.com? Still no. But as the moments passed, I stopped comparing. I was in awe. It kept changing. Each color slowly morphed into another or moved to a different cloud. Even the birds started to quiet. I could still hear the sound of traffic a mile away, but I shut it out as best I could to enjoy this symphony of sight.
As it started to get dark, I realized I really needed to head back to my car before it got too dark to see. I'm so thankful for Minnesota twilight (no, this is not when Norweigans grow fangs and the "ya, sure, you betchas" turn into "I vant to suck yooour bloooooood"). In California, when the sun is down, that's it, end of story, nighty-night. Twilight provides us with an opportunity for prolonged outdoor enjoyment.
As I continued my walk, I began to muse about other things. As I passed the large, beautiful (yet often excessive) houses with their families and dogs and three car garages, I started to want. I want that suburban home with the husband, dog, and four kids. I want to be able to have at least a two car garage and a nice trampoline in the back yard. Then my brain kicked in an I started thinking about how much that mortgage must be, what kind of an electric bill they must have, and how many 'things' I would have to fill a house like that. I started to think about how different my desire was from my logic. What is desire anyhow? Technically speaking it's a socially programed response that triggers chemical responses to synapses in the brain. At least.... I think that's what it is. Anyhow....... I thought, "Why is it so often that the brain and the heart don't agree (not physically speaking, of course)?" The heart is the seat of desire and dreams, and the brain is the seat of logic and reason. They're in the same body! Why can't they just call a truce and agree? Then I realized that they only don't agree when I'm in control!
'What?', you say? Let me explain...
When I'm in control, I have to manage everything that's going on inside my head as well as attempting to manage my environment. When I'm in control, I do what I want and not necessarily what's in God's plan for me. There is a reason my heart and mind often can't agree. There's a reason I can't think straight or decide when I'm relying on my understanding of the situation.
It's because He wants me to give up control. I'm not supposed to be in control of my life. He is. I'm supposed to remember that He has the best plan for my life and He wants to communicate that to me, but He can't if I'm thinking all on my own all the time.
This revelation came to me through a series of events. On St. Patrick's day I heard on the radio that Irish Christians used to pray about ever aspect of life, from a good season for crops to a spider bite. Doing laundry was also prayed over! Then, last Wednesday at church we talked about the many aspects and importance of prayer. My pastor's wife talked about how long it has taken her to understand the importance of prayer. She also prays over the laundry and has had God speak to her about washing or not washing certain items. Then yesterday I watched "Facing the Giants" for the first time. It involves a Christian school football team that hasn't won a season in 6 years, and a football coach who feels like his life is going down the tubes: things in his house keep breaking down, they can't have children and the doctors say it's his fault, his car keeps breaking down, and there are people in the school who want to fire him. One day, a man who always prays over the students' lockers, approaches the coach and tells him that he needs to remain faithful in spite of the difficulties in his life, that God wants to use him, but that he needs to start searching, praying, and listening. Once this coach revises his life and team philosophy, things start turning around. He realizes that it's not about him; it's about living life for the glory of God, no matter what happens, and never giving up on Him. Through the course of the story, we see almost an entire town turn around because of one coach's faithfulness in spite of the hard times.
Never give up. Praise God always. Give up the control to Him.
This is when life with start making sense. This is when the heart and the mind will start to agree. When we agree with God that we can't handle it on our own and rely on Him to make things make sense, which sometimes takes a long time, only then will we learn to be content in life. Only then will we learn to be thankful and happy with where God places us at different times in our life.
Isn't it remarkable how good it feels to walk on a dirt path, which at this point is half mud, and smell all the newness of spring coming? To see the new buds peeking through that mud, to listen as the dry, old oak leaves fall from the trees to make room for the new buds that are pushing their way out. To hear the music of all the twitterpated birds: flirting finches, courageous cardinals, doting ducks, chipper chickadees, gallant geese, radiating red-winged blackbirds, even the squirrels want in, scolding from their high perches. All of this together makes a symphony worthy of God. And that's just it. Not only is it worthy of God, it's conducted by Him! He has created this world the perfect distance from the sun that spins at the perfect speed so we aren't crushed or find ourselves floating off, a speed and distance which also assures that seasons come and go, things are born and die, and the sun and the moon rise and set. These things offer us peace, but only if viewed with the understanding that there is a God who created this all. He is the One who maintains the consistency. He is the One in control and He could choose to change it or let it all go. What would happen to our sanity, for example, if the sun rose in the west one day? What about if rivers started flowing up or the tides were reversed? God could do that if He really wanted to, don't you think? Yet He chooses to maintain this consistency.
Why?
Because He loves us! We humans thrive on consistency. Some people tend to be more free-spirited than others (moi, for example), and yet if certain aspects of physics and facts of our known world ceased to exist, we would go out of our minds! God created each one of us and loves us so much that He gave us this world, trees and birds and animals and grass and rocks and mountains and rivers and oceans and the sun and the moon and the stars!!!!! Everywhere I look I see His glory and the joy that He created this world with.
Yet another thing that I saw was the sunset. Though obstructed to a certain extent by the obscenely large houses of the neighborhood, the sky above the setting sun testified to my Father's love for me. One moment I wished I had my camera with me to capture what I was seeing and share it with you, but the next I realized that nothing could compare to what I was seeing. First I wanted to compare the texture and color of the clouds to Monet, but maybe Manet was better. Or Cassat, but I didn't want to rule out Rembrant, Remington, Da Vinci, or any of the other 'greats' either. Digitalblasphemy.com? Still no. But as the moments passed, I stopped comparing. I was in awe. It kept changing. Each color slowly morphed into another or moved to a different cloud. Even the birds started to quiet. I could still hear the sound of traffic a mile away, but I shut it out as best I could to enjoy this symphony of sight.
As it started to get dark, I realized I really needed to head back to my car before it got too dark to see. I'm so thankful for Minnesota twilight (no, this is not when Norweigans grow fangs and the "ya, sure, you betchas" turn into "I vant to suck yooour bloooooood"). In California, when the sun is down, that's it, end of story, nighty-night. Twilight provides us with an opportunity for prolonged outdoor enjoyment.
As I continued my walk, I began to muse about other things. As I passed the large, beautiful (yet often excessive) houses with their families and dogs and three car garages, I started to want. I want that suburban home with the husband, dog, and four kids. I want to be able to have at least a two car garage and a nice trampoline in the back yard. Then my brain kicked in an I started thinking about how much that mortgage must be, what kind of an electric bill they must have, and how many 'things' I would have to fill a house like that. I started to think about how different my desire was from my logic. What is desire anyhow? Technically speaking it's a socially programed response that triggers chemical responses to synapses in the brain. At least.... I think that's what it is. Anyhow....... I thought, "Why is it so often that the brain and the heart don't agree (not physically speaking, of course)?" The heart is the seat of desire and dreams, and the brain is the seat of logic and reason. They're in the same body! Why can't they just call a truce and agree? Then I realized that they only don't agree when I'm in control!
'What?', you say? Let me explain...
When I'm in control, I have to manage everything that's going on inside my head as well as attempting to manage my environment. When I'm in control, I do what I want and not necessarily what's in God's plan for me. There is a reason my heart and mind often can't agree. There's a reason I can't think straight or decide when I'm relying on my understanding of the situation.
It's because He wants me to give up control. I'm not supposed to be in control of my life. He is. I'm supposed to remember that He has the best plan for my life and He wants to communicate that to me, but He can't if I'm thinking all on my own all the time.
This revelation came to me through a series of events. On St. Patrick's day I heard on the radio that Irish Christians used to pray about ever aspect of life, from a good season for crops to a spider bite. Doing laundry was also prayed over! Then, last Wednesday at church we talked about the many aspects and importance of prayer. My pastor's wife talked about how long it has taken her to understand the importance of prayer. She also prays over the laundry and has had God speak to her about washing or not washing certain items. Then yesterday I watched "Facing the Giants" for the first time. It involves a Christian school football team that hasn't won a season in 6 years, and a football coach who feels like his life is going down the tubes: things in his house keep breaking down, they can't have children and the doctors say it's his fault, his car keeps breaking down, and there are people in the school who want to fire him. One day, a man who always prays over the students' lockers, approaches the coach and tells him that he needs to remain faithful in spite of the difficulties in his life, that God wants to use him, but that he needs to start searching, praying, and listening. Once this coach revises his life and team philosophy, things start turning around. He realizes that it's not about him; it's about living life for the glory of God, no matter what happens, and never giving up on Him. Through the course of the story, we see almost an entire town turn around because of one coach's faithfulness in spite of the hard times.
Never give up. Praise God always. Give up the control to Him.
This is when life with start making sense. This is when the heart and the mind will start to agree. When we agree with God that we can't handle it on our own and rely on Him to make things make sense, which sometimes takes a long time, only then will we learn to be content in life. Only then will we learn to be thankful and happy with where God places us at different times in our life.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Puzzle piece or niche..... where do I fit?
Purpose....
This word is often used when speaking about one's place in life; the desire for living; the point of life. What's mine? How should I know?
I was at my church on Friday night listening to a guy from Scotland tell about three journeys in life that he has taken: a journey to purpose, a journey to compassion, and a journey towards God. I feel like if that's what life is, then I've been dead or dying for a while.
A journey towards God. THIS is a renewed thing for me. I gave my life to Christ when I was little, rededicated it to him in my early teens, and now I'm rediscovering it yet again. Our God is a remarkable being; no matter how many times I've lost my way and gotten caught up in the trappings of this world, He still waits for me, with open arms, sometimes to comfort, sometimes to discipline then comfort. Amazing. I'm still blown away every time I think about His love for me....
A journey to compassion. I used to think of myself as a very, very compassionate person. Somewhere along the way, sometime during college, I got so caught up in myself and my own worries that I forgot what it means to feel someone else's pain, to love when no one else will. This is a journey that has also been renewed for me. I'm relearning what it means to see the heart of the Father and weep as He does for the injustice of His people, for the abandonment of His precious children, for the sin in this world. I thank God that my heart never got to a point where it was too hard to turn around....
A journey to purpose. What is my purpose? I'm at a point in my life where nothing truly satisfies me. Is this bad? It's been almost a year since I graduated college and I still don't feel like I have that God-given direction for my life. There have been times in my life when everything was going right. There have also been times when everything was going wrong. Now I'm in the middle. An equal amount of right and wrong happen in my life everyday. I'm tired of this middle ground. I want to know my purpose......... There is one thing that I can say I know that I'm meant to do: serve. Serve this world for His glory. But what else? That can't be it, can it? I need specifics. I need to know where I fit. I know I'm a versatile person who can be comfortable in almost any situation, but I can't help feeling that there has got to be that niche that I'm meant to fit in perfectly. That place where I'm valued, where I make a difference; that place that uses all of my talents somehow for the glory of God!
I feel like I'm stagnating; stuck in a dirty pool of water with no outlet, no inlet, and mosquitoes breeding on my surface. How do I get out? How do I get from where I am to the open sea, where everything moves and flows together in a beautiful, wild rhythm?
I continue on two of the three journeys, wishing to embark on the third but not knowing where to start. I feel so loved by my Father every day, but I have no way to let that spill over my containment and effect those around me.
Does this make me a mediocre Christian? Oh, anything but that! Lord, let me not be the lukewarm water that You cannot bear!
I burn with coals inside me, waiting for the hand that holds the fan to make me a flame. Where do I fit?
This word is often used when speaking about one's place in life; the desire for living; the point of life. What's mine? How should I know?
I was at my church on Friday night listening to a guy from Scotland tell about three journeys in life that he has taken: a journey to purpose, a journey to compassion, and a journey towards God. I feel like if that's what life is, then I've been dead or dying for a while.
A journey towards God. THIS is a renewed thing for me. I gave my life to Christ when I was little, rededicated it to him in my early teens, and now I'm rediscovering it yet again. Our God is a remarkable being; no matter how many times I've lost my way and gotten caught up in the trappings of this world, He still waits for me, with open arms, sometimes to comfort, sometimes to discipline then comfort. Amazing. I'm still blown away every time I think about His love for me....
A journey to compassion. I used to think of myself as a very, very compassionate person. Somewhere along the way, sometime during college, I got so caught up in myself and my own worries that I forgot what it means to feel someone else's pain, to love when no one else will. This is a journey that has also been renewed for me. I'm relearning what it means to see the heart of the Father and weep as He does for the injustice of His people, for the abandonment of His precious children, for the sin in this world. I thank God that my heart never got to a point where it was too hard to turn around....
A journey to purpose. What is my purpose? I'm at a point in my life where nothing truly satisfies me. Is this bad? It's been almost a year since I graduated college and I still don't feel like I have that God-given direction for my life. There have been times in my life when everything was going right. There have also been times when everything was going wrong. Now I'm in the middle. An equal amount of right and wrong happen in my life everyday. I'm tired of this middle ground. I want to know my purpose......... There is one thing that I can say I know that I'm meant to do: serve. Serve this world for His glory. But what else? That can't be it, can it? I need specifics. I need to know where I fit. I know I'm a versatile person who can be comfortable in almost any situation, but I can't help feeling that there has got to be that niche that I'm meant to fit in perfectly. That place where I'm valued, where I make a difference; that place that uses all of my talents somehow for the glory of God!
I feel like I'm stagnating; stuck in a dirty pool of water with no outlet, no inlet, and mosquitoes breeding on my surface. How do I get out? How do I get from where I am to the open sea, where everything moves and flows together in a beautiful, wild rhythm?
I continue on two of the three journeys, wishing to embark on the third but not knowing where to start. I feel so loved by my Father every day, but I have no way to let that spill over my containment and effect those around me.
Does this make me a mediocre Christian? Oh, anything but that! Lord, let me not be the lukewarm water that You cannot bear!
I burn with coals inside me, waiting for the hand that holds the fan to make me a flame. Where do I fit?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
iSurrender: Pray
My friend John has a blog that I've been catching up on reading these last few days. This particular post made me really think, and I need accountability to keep thinking, to mull these quotes over on a daily basis, and turn my prayer life into something powerful, not simply dutiful.
Thanks, John
iSurrender: Pray
Thanks, John
iSurrender: Pray
My week
I am bored to tears. No joke. Having contracted pink eye on the way back from my vacation last week has now restricted me for working at ANY of my jobs for the last three days. Do you know how depressing that is? No, seriously.... A week of vacation was more than enough, considering I was sick for more than half of THAT week as well! After three days I wanted to get back to my work! Now, with no actual physical impairment, a simple, highly contagious eye infection is preventing me from doing what I love!
Isn't it funny what we complain about? Isn't it funny what we take for granted?
We complain about having to go to work until we aren't allowed to go to work. We complain about the cold weather until it turns hot, and the hot weather until it turns cold. We don't have enough food, or fun, or friends, or clothes, or something.
REALITY CHECK: We have more than more than enough. That's right; I said it twice. It should still make sense. If we really sat down and thought about everything we have in this country, everything that we've been blessed to have simply because of the country we've been born in, we would be amazed. Very little about America says poverty. Sadly, that little portion of our country is the portion we most often choose to ignore. Granted, I'm not going to hand a $50 bill to a man standing with a sign at the end of a freeway exit because most of the time, they are moochers or frauds. But what about the people down the hall or next door who struggle to make ends meet because the husband got laid off and the wife has three kids to take care of and can't pay for daycare. What about the people in the inner city who truly do live in cardboard boxes or under overpasses. They are there. I know. I've seen them. And what have I done? Nothing. In reality I'm struggling to make ends meet as well, to pay off the school loans, to pay the rent and utilities and gas, and so often I've decided that there is nothing that I can do for them. I'm wrong. I've been wrong for so long.
I can pray. I can talk to them and show them I care about them as a person even if I can do nothing about their financial situation. Scoff if you like, but when prayer is claimed and believed in, it works. However, before I do that, I need to step back, take stock of what I have, and be thankful. Not prideful, not envious that I don't have the right clothes, fun toys, or fancy apartment that other people do. Thankful for everything I have. It kinda goes back to that old hymn written by Johnson Oatman, Jr. and Edwin O. Excell, "Count Your Blessings". Read the word, don't just skim them. Let them sink in....
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
And it will surprist you what the Lord hath done
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings every doubt will fly
And you will be singing as the days go by
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth and gold
Count your many blessings money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high
So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged - God is over all;
Count your many blessings angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end
Chorus:
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your blessings, see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your many blessings see what God hath done
What do I have to be thankful for?
My salvation. I could be this close to hell if God decided to be selfish and not send His son to die.
My health. Yes, pink eye, the flu, a cold - all are frustrating, but I think sometimes God allows typically healthy people to get a little sick to remind us where our priorities lie. I mean think about it! He could chose to keep us healthy all the time simply because He wanted to. A friend of mine pointed out a couple of months ago that God kept Moses alive and kicking for 120 years. Why? Because He wanted to. Sickness is in this world because of sin, but I think sometimes it's good for us to slow down or even stop to realize how far away from Him we have drifted.
My family. Sure, they're crazy and sometimes drive me to the edge of reason, but I still love them and know that they are and always will be there for me.
My clothes. No, they're not the latest things from Aeropostal or American Eagle, not even Forever 21. Heck, most of them are from high school, free boxes at college, and sales racks at Target and Kohl's, but even that is better than nothing at all. Even the homeless in America are blessed with shelters to sleep in, food shelves that feed them, and clothes from one place or another. There are children in Africa who don't have clean water to drink and are malnourished. There are families in Russian and Czechoslovakia who only have t-shirts, shorts, and sandals to run around in, wrapping them in newspaper from the garbage to keep warm.
My jobs. When so many in America are struggling to keep their houses and are getting laid off daily, I have two jobs that I love. They take up much of my time, I don't get benefits because I'm part time at both, but at least they pay the bills.
My bills. Seems like a funny thing to be thankful for, but when you think about it, having bills means I have something. My bills represent the apartment I have to live in, the water I have to drink, the food I have to eat, and the education that I have worked hard to attain.
These are the simple things. These are the things we complain about and/or take for granted.
These are things that we need to be thankful for.
Be thankful for freedom, too. The freedom to pray, to write this blog, to communicate freely with our loved ones, the freedom to have loved ones, to have whole communities instead of ones divided by tribal strife, to have whole buildings and schools that aren't damaged by the rages of war.
We have to much to NOT be thankful.
Isn't it funny what we complain about? Isn't it funny what we take for granted?
We complain about having to go to work until we aren't allowed to go to work. We complain about the cold weather until it turns hot, and the hot weather until it turns cold. We don't have enough food, or fun, or friends, or clothes, or something.
REALITY CHECK: We have more than more than enough. That's right; I said it twice. It should still make sense. If we really sat down and thought about everything we have in this country, everything that we've been blessed to have simply because of the country we've been born in, we would be amazed. Very little about America says poverty. Sadly, that little portion of our country is the portion we most often choose to ignore. Granted, I'm not going to hand a $50 bill to a man standing with a sign at the end of a freeway exit because most of the time, they are moochers or frauds. But what about the people down the hall or next door who struggle to make ends meet because the husband got laid off and the wife has three kids to take care of and can't pay for daycare. What about the people in the inner city who truly do live in cardboard boxes or under overpasses. They are there. I know. I've seen them. And what have I done? Nothing. In reality I'm struggling to make ends meet as well, to pay off the school loans, to pay the rent and utilities and gas, and so often I've decided that there is nothing that I can do for them. I'm wrong. I've been wrong for so long.
I can pray. I can talk to them and show them I care about them as a person even if I can do nothing about their financial situation. Scoff if you like, but when prayer is claimed and believed in, it works. However, before I do that, I need to step back, take stock of what I have, and be thankful. Not prideful, not envious that I don't have the right clothes, fun toys, or fancy apartment that other people do. Thankful for everything I have. It kinda goes back to that old hymn written by Johnson Oatman, Jr. and Edwin O. Excell, "Count Your Blessings". Read the word, don't just skim them. Let them sink in....
When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
And it will surprist you what the Lord hath done
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings every doubt will fly
And you will be singing as the days go by
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth and gold
Count your many blessings money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high
So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged - God is over all;
Count your many blessings angels will attend
Help and comfort give you to your journey's end
Chorus:
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your blessings, see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your many blessings see what God hath done
What do I have to be thankful for?
My salvation. I could be this close to hell if God decided to be selfish and not send His son to die.
My health. Yes, pink eye, the flu, a cold - all are frustrating, but I think sometimes God allows typically healthy people to get a little sick to remind us where our priorities lie. I mean think about it! He could chose to keep us healthy all the time simply because He wanted to. A friend of mine pointed out a couple of months ago that God kept Moses alive and kicking for 120 years. Why? Because He wanted to. Sickness is in this world because of sin, but I think sometimes it's good for us to slow down or even stop to realize how far away from Him we have drifted.
My family. Sure, they're crazy and sometimes drive me to the edge of reason, but I still love them and know that they are and always will be there for me.
My clothes. No, they're not the latest things from Aeropostal or American Eagle, not even Forever 21. Heck, most of them are from high school, free boxes at college, and sales racks at Target and Kohl's, but even that is better than nothing at all. Even the homeless in America are blessed with shelters to sleep in, food shelves that feed them, and clothes from one place or another. There are children in Africa who don't have clean water to drink and are malnourished. There are families in Russian and Czechoslovakia who only have t-shirts, shorts, and sandals to run around in, wrapping them in newspaper from the garbage to keep warm.
My jobs. When so many in America are struggling to keep their houses and are getting laid off daily, I have two jobs that I love. They take up much of my time, I don't get benefits because I'm part time at both, but at least they pay the bills.
My bills. Seems like a funny thing to be thankful for, but when you think about it, having bills means I have something. My bills represent the apartment I have to live in, the water I have to drink, the food I have to eat, and the education that I have worked hard to attain.
These are the simple things. These are the things we complain about and/or take for granted.
These are things that we need to be thankful for.
Be thankful for freedom, too. The freedom to pray, to write this blog, to communicate freely with our loved ones, the freedom to have loved ones, to have whole communities instead of ones divided by tribal strife, to have whole buildings and schools that aren't damaged by the rages of war.
We have to much to NOT be thankful.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
First REAL blog...
Life
It's too short to not live
It's too short to not love
As long as both are for the right person.....
Jesus Christ
This blog and the many posts that will follow are the result of being woken up. Woken up from a life of complacency and self-absorption. Woken up from the life of a luke-warm Christian. No more. Never settle.
What follows will be life; a documentation of my life and observations that come along with it.
Friends
People watching
Sorrows
Frustrations
Theology
Philosophy
The whole shebang
The kit and kaboodle
Get the picture?
Good....
Here we go!
P.S. All posts from 2009 are works from 2009, but I just recently posted them; that's why this is my first REAL blog.... just in case you were wondering. If not, oh well.... now you know anyhow ;)
It's too short to not live
It's too short to not love
As long as both are for the right person.....
Jesus Christ
This blog and the many posts that will follow are the result of being woken up. Woken up from a life of complacency and self-absorption. Woken up from the life of a luke-warm Christian. No more. Never settle.
What follows will be life; a documentation of my life and observations that come along with it.
Friends
People watching
Sorrows
Frustrations
Theology
Philosophy
The whole shebang
The kit and kaboodle
Get the picture?
Good....
Here we go!
P.S. All posts from 2009 are works from 2009, but I just recently posted them; that's why this is my first REAL blog.... just in case you were wondering. If not, oh well.... now you know anyhow ;)
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Heart of Hannah
A culmination of learning from my study Bible:
1 Sam. 1:10
Hannah had good reason to feel discouraged and bitter. She was unable to bear children; she shared her husband with a woman who ridiculed her (1:7); her loving husband could not solves her problem (1:8); and even the high priest misunderstood her motives (1:14). But instead of retaliating or giving up hope, Hannah prayed. She brought her problem honestly before God.
Each of us may face times of barrenness when nothing "comes to birth" in our work, service, or relationships. It is difficult to pray in faith when we feel so ineffective. But, as Hannah discovered, prayer opens the way for God to work (1:19,20).
1 Sam. 1:11
Be careful what you promise in prayer because God may take you up on it. Hannah so desperately wanted a child that she was willing to strike a bargain with God. God took her up on her promise, and to Hannah's credit, she did her part, even though it was painful (1:27, 28),
Although we are not in a position to barter with God, he may still choose to answer a prayer that has an attached promise. When you pray, ask yourself, "Will I follow through on any promises I make to God if he grants my request?" It is dishonest and dangerous to ignore a promise, especially to God. God keeps his promises, and he expects you to keep yours.
1 Sam. 1:26-28
To do what she promised (1:11), Hannah gave up what she wanted most - her son- and presented him to Eli to serve in the house of the Lord. In dedicating her only son to God, Hannah was dedicating her entire life and future to God. Because Samuel's life was from God, Hannah was not really giving him up. Rather she was returning him to God who had given Samuel to Hanna in the first place. These verses illustrated the kind of gifts we should give to God. Do your gifts cost you little (Sunday mornings, a comfortable tithe), or are they gifts of sacrifice? Are you presenting God with tokens, or are you presenting him with your entire life?
Hannah: The Real Bold and the Beautiful
Hannah's prayer shows us that all we have and receive is on loan from God. Hannah might have had many excuses for being a possessive mother. But when God answered her prayer, she followed through on her promise to dedicated Samuel to God's service.
She discovered that the greatest joy in having a child is to give that child fully and freely back to God. She entered motherhood prepared to do what all mothers must eventually do - let go of their children.
When children are born, they are completely dependent upon their parents for all their basic necessities. This causes some parents to forget that those same children will grow toward independence within the span of a few short years. Being sensitive to the different stages of that healthy process will greatly strengthen family relationships; resisting or denying that process will cause great pain. We must gradually let go of our children in order to allow them to become mature, interdependent adults.
Strengths and accomplishments:
mother of Samuel, Israel's greatest judge; fervent in worship, effective in prayer; willing to follow through on even a costly commitment
Weakness and mistake: struggled with her sense of self-worth, because she was unable to have children
Lessons from her life: God hears and answers prayer; our children are gifts from God; God is concerned for the oppressed and afflicted
1 Sam. 1:10
Hannah had good reason to feel discouraged and bitter. She was unable to bear children; she shared her husband with a woman who ridiculed her (1:7); her loving husband could not solves her problem (1:8); and even the high priest misunderstood her motives (1:14). But instead of retaliating or giving up hope, Hannah prayed. She brought her problem honestly before God.
Each of us may face times of barrenness when nothing "comes to birth" in our work, service, or relationships. It is difficult to pray in faith when we feel so ineffective. But, as Hannah discovered, prayer opens the way for God to work (1:19,20).
1 Sam. 1:11
Be careful what you promise in prayer because God may take you up on it. Hannah so desperately wanted a child that she was willing to strike a bargain with God. God took her up on her promise, and to Hannah's credit, she did her part, even though it was painful (1:27, 28),
Although we are not in a position to barter with God, he may still choose to answer a prayer that has an attached promise. When you pray, ask yourself, "Will I follow through on any promises I make to God if he grants my request?" It is dishonest and dangerous to ignore a promise, especially to God. God keeps his promises, and he expects you to keep yours.
1 Sam. 1:26-28
To do what she promised (1:11), Hannah gave up what she wanted most - her son- and presented him to Eli to serve in the house of the Lord. In dedicating her only son to God, Hannah was dedicating her entire life and future to God. Because Samuel's life was from God, Hannah was not really giving him up. Rather she was returning him to God who had given Samuel to Hanna in the first place. These verses illustrated the kind of gifts we should give to God. Do your gifts cost you little (Sunday mornings, a comfortable tithe), or are they gifts of sacrifice? Are you presenting God with tokens, or are you presenting him with your entire life?
Hannah: The Real Bold and the Beautiful
Hannah's prayer shows us that all we have and receive is on loan from God. Hannah might have had many excuses for being a possessive mother. But when God answered her prayer, she followed through on her promise to dedicated Samuel to God's service.
She discovered that the greatest joy in having a child is to give that child fully and freely back to God. She entered motherhood prepared to do what all mothers must eventually do - let go of their children.
When children are born, they are completely dependent upon their parents for all their basic necessities. This causes some parents to forget that those same children will grow toward independence within the span of a few short years. Being sensitive to the different stages of that healthy process will greatly strengthen family relationships; resisting or denying that process will cause great pain. We must gradually let go of our children in order to allow them to become mature, interdependent adults.
Strengths and accomplishments:
mother of Samuel, Israel's greatest judge; fervent in worship, effective in prayer; willing to follow through on even a costly commitment
Weakness and mistake: struggled with her sense of self-worth, because she was unable to have children
Lessons from her life: God hears and answers prayer; our children are gifts from God; God is concerned for the oppressed and afflicted
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Point of All Living: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
I love watching a herd of horses grazing in an open pasture, or running free across the wide, sage-covered plateaus in Montana. I love hiking in the high country when the wildflowers are blooming - the purple lupine and the Indian paintbrush when it's turning magenta. I love thunder clouds, massive ones. My family loves to sit outside on summer nights and watch the lightning, hear the thunder as a storm rolls in across Colorado. I love water, too - the oceans, streams, lakes rivers, waterfalls, rain. I love humping off high rocks into lakes with my boys. I love old barns, windmills, the West. I love vineyards. I love it when Stasi is loving something, love watching her delight. I love my boys. I love God.
Everything you love is what makes a life worth living. Take a moment, set down the book {or get off the computer}, and make a list of all the things you love. Don't edit yourself; don't worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love. Whether it's the people in your life or the things that bring you joy or the places that are dear to you or your God, you could not love them if you did not have a heart. Loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. A life filled with loving is a life most like the one that God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Eph. 5:1-2).
Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point-blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: loving God and loving others. Do this, he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place. Somewhere down inside we know it's true; we know love is the point. We know if we could truly love, and be loved, and never lost love, we would finally be happy. And is it even possible to love without your heart?
(Waking the Dead, 47-48)
I love watching a herd of horses grazing in an open pasture, or running free across the wide, sage-covered plateaus in Montana. I love hiking in the high country when the wildflowers are blooming - the purple lupine and the Indian paintbrush when it's turning magenta. I love thunder clouds, massive ones. My family loves to sit outside on summer nights and watch the lightning, hear the thunder as a storm rolls in across Colorado. I love water, too - the oceans, streams, lakes rivers, waterfalls, rain. I love humping off high rocks into lakes with my boys. I love old barns, windmills, the West. I love vineyards. I love it when Stasi is loving something, love watching her delight. I love my boys. I love God.
Everything you love is what makes a life worth living. Take a moment, set down the book {or get off the computer}, and make a list of all the things you love. Don't edit yourself; don't worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love. Whether it's the people in your life or the things that bring you joy or the places that are dear to you or your God, you could not love them if you did not have a heart. Loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. A life filled with loving is a life most like the one that God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Eph. 5:1-2).
Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point-blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: loving God and loving others. Do this, he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place. Somewhere down inside we know it's true; we know love is the point. We know if we could truly love, and be loved, and never lost love, we would finally be happy. And is it even possible to love without your heart?
(Waking the Dead, 47-48)
Popular Nonsense: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
"This is not to say the heart is only swirling emotion, mixed motives, and dark desire, without thought or reason. Far from it. According to Scripture, the heart is also where we do our deepest thinking. "Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their hearts," is a common phrase in the Gospels. This might be most surprising for those who have accepted the Great Modern Mistake that "the mind equals reason and the heart equals emotion." Most people believe that. I heard it again, just last night, from a very astute and devoted young man. "The mind is our reason; the heart is emotion," he said. What popular nonsense. Solomon is remembered as the wisest man ever, and it was not because of the size of his brain. Rather, when God invited him to ask for anything in all the world, Solomon asked for a wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).
Our deepest thoughts are held in our hearts. Scripture itself claims to be "sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Heb. 4:12). Not the feelings of the heart, the thoughts of the heart. Remember, when the shepherds reported the news that a company of angels had brought them out in the field, Mary "pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19), as you do when some news of great import keeps you up in the middle of the night. If you have a fear of heights, no amount of reasoning will get you to go bungee jumping. And if you are asked why you're paralyzed at the thought of it, you won't be able to explain. It is not rational, but it is your conviction nonetheless. Thus, the writer of Proverbs preempts Freud by about two thousand years when he says, "As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7 KJV). It is the thoughts and intents of the heart that shape a person's life.
(Waking the Dead, 44-45)
"This is not to say the heart is only swirling emotion, mixed motives, and dark desire, without thought or reason. Far from it. According to Scripture, the heart is also where we do our deepest thinking. "Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their hearts," is a common phrase in the Gospels. This might be most surprising for those who have accepted the Great Modern Mistake that "the mind equals reason and the heart equals emotion." Most people believe that. I heard it again, just last night, from a very astute and devoted young man. "The mind is our reason; the heart is emotion," he said. What popular nonsense. Solomon is remembered as the wisest man ever, and it was not because of the size of his brain. Rather, when God invited him to ask for anything in all the world, Solomon asked for a wise and discerning heart (1 Kings 3:9).
Our deepest thoughts are held in our hearts. Scripture itself claims to be "sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Heb. 4:12). Not the feelings of the heart, the thoughts of the heart. Remember, when the shepherds reported the news that a company of angels had brought them out in the field, Mary "pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19), as you do when some news of great import keeps you up in the middle of the night. If you have a fear of heights, no amount of reasoning will get you to go bungee jumping. And if you are asked why you're paralyzed at the thought of it, you won't be able to explain. It is not rational, but it is your conviction nonetheless. Thus, the writer of Proverbs preempts Freud by about two thousand years when he says, "As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Prov. 23:7 KJV). It is the thoughts and intents of the heart that shape a person's life.
(Waking the Dead, 44-45)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Previously I have posted my rants on facebook, but I don't think anyone ever reads them, so I've decided to re-post them here.... Maybe on a blog they'll make a difference and be read more....
Crippling our Country
What with all the hoo haa and whatnot that has been going on politically for the past year, I know many people who are sick of it all. The backstabbing, mudslinging, and one-upping of the political candidates is enough to make one hurl. Not to mention all the media that has been dominating our T.V. airwaves and newspapers. Believe me, I understand. I'm one of them.
However, in spite of the queasy feeling one gets in their stomach when the topic of politics arises, I know far too many college students who have decided not to vote.
What? Why not?
"I'm too busy", "None of the candidates agendas matches my beliefs", "I just don't feel like it", and "What will my one vote really do to change this country?"
Please, people, think!
I know it is hard sometimes in our busy American lives to focus in any capacity on politics, but we need to! I'm sick and tired of hearing people bash the candidates and bash the election and bash America! Let's think about this...
What are your core values? No candidate is ever going to perfectly fit exactly what we want, but that's o.k. Politics is one thing where we will need to understand compromise in some areas! What is more important: that our troops come home or that millions of unborn children are killed every year by abortion? As one who has been personally effected by America's war on terrorism, I understand the desire of parents, husbands, and wives to have their loved ones come home safe. But did you ever stop to think about what would have happened if we had never launched a counter attack? Would America even exist anymore? I'm not saying that I am in support of randomly killing people, striking villages and cities where it is suspected that terrorists live, but at the time our current President ordered the attack, it seemed like the best thing to do. Do we want our next president to make the same kind of mistakes? or do we want a president who truly understands war and the occasional need for it, and at the same time understands the sanctity of family, faith, and loyalty to our American values?
Please, in spite of my tirade and if I have offended you, please vote! Educate yourself! It is the best thing you can do to stop the crippling trend of complacency in America. Look at http://www.johnmccain.com/ versus http://www.barackobama.com/ , then make your decision.
I'm not afraid to say that I am voting for McCain/Palin. There are certain American values that they understand, certain Biblically and Constitutionally based values that, if followed the way they say they will, could turn this country around.
However, in spite of the queasy feeling one gets in their stomach when the topic of politics arises, I know far too many college students who have decided not to vote.
What? Why not?
"I'm too busy", "None of the candidates agendas matches my beliefs", "I just don't feel like it", and "What will my one vote really do to change this country?"
Please, people, think!
I know it is hard sometimes in our busy American lives to focus in any capacity on politics, but we need to! I'm sick and tired of hearing people bash the candidates and bash the election and bash America! Let's think about this...
What are your core values? No candidate is ever going to perfectly fit exactly what we want, but that's o.k. Politics is one thing where we will need to understand compromise in some areas! What is more important: that our troops come home or that millions of unborn children are killed every year by abortion? As one who has been personally effected by America's war on terrorism, I understand the desire of parents, husbands, and wives to have their loved ones come home safe. But did you ever stop to think about what would have happened if we had never launched a counter attack? Would America even exist anymore? I'm not saying that I am in support of randomly killing people, striking villages and cities where it is suspected that terrorists live, but at the time our current President ordered the attack, it seemed like the best thing to do. Do we want our next president to make the same kind of mistakes? or do we want a president who truly understands war and the occasional need for it, and at the same time understands the sanctity of family, faith, and loyalty to our American values?
Please, in spite of my tirade and if I have offended you, please vote! Educate yourself! It is the best thing you can do to stop the crippling trend of complacency in America. Look at http://www.johnmccain.com/ versus http://www.barackobama.com
I'm not afraid to say that I am voting for McCain/Palin. There are certain American values that they understand, certain Biblically and Constitutionally based values that, if followed the way they say they will, could turn this country around.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A Distant Whisper: excerpt from "The Ransomed Heart" by John Eldredge
Read and contemplate......
When the young prophet Samuel heard the voice of God calling to him in the night, he had the counsel from his priestly mentor, Eli, to tell him how to respond. Even so, it took them three times to realize it was God calling. Rather than ignoring the voice, or rebuking it, Samuel finally listened.
In our modern, pragmatic world we often have no such mentor, so we do not understand it is God speaking to us in our heart. Having so long been out of touch with our deepest longing, we fail to recognize the voice and the One who is calling to us through it. Frustrated by our heart's continuing sabotage of a dutiful Christian life, some of us silence the voice by locking our heart away in the attic, feeding it only the bread and water of duty and obligation until it is almost dead, the voice now small and weak. But sometimes in the night, when our defenses are down, we still hear it call to us, oh so faintly - a distant whisper. Come morning, the new day's activities scream for our attention, the sound of the cry is gone, and we congratulate ourselves on finally overcoming the flesh.
Others of us agree to give our heart a life on the side if it will only leave us alone and not rock the boat. We try to lose ourselves in our work, or "get a hobby" (either of which soon begins to feel like and addiction); we have an affair, or develop a colorful fantasy life fed by dime-store romances or pornography. We learn to enjoy the juicy intrigues and secrets of gossip. We make sure to maintain enough distance between ourselves and others, and even between ourselves and our own heart, to keep hidden the practical agnosticism we are living now that our inner life has been divorced from our outer life. Having thus appeased our heart, we nonetheless are forced to give up our spiritual journey because our heart will no longer come with us. It is bound up in the little indulgences we feed it to keep it at bay.
(The Sacred Romance, 2-3)
When the young prophet Samuel heard the voice of God calling to him in the night, he had the counsel from his priestly mentor, Eli, to tell him how to respond. Even so, it took them three times to realize it was God calling. Rather than ignoring the voice, or rebuking it, Samuel finally listened.
In our modern, pragmatic world we often have no such mentor, so we do not understand it is God speaking to us in our heart. Having so long been out of touch with our deepest longing, we fail to recognize the voice and the One who is calling to us through it. Frustrated by our heart's continuing sabotage of a dutiful Christian life, some of us silence the voice by locking our heart away in the attic, feeding it only the bread and water of duty and obligation until it is almost dead, the voice now small and weak. But sometimes in the night, when our defenses are down, we still hear it call to us, oh so faintly - a distant whisper. Come morning, the new day's activities scream for our attention, the sound of the cry is gone, and we congratulate ourselves on finally overcoming the flesh.
Others of us agree to give our heart a life on the side if it will only leave us alone and not rock the boat. We try to lose ourselves in our work, or "get a hobby" (either of which soon begins to feel like and addiction); we have an affair, or develop a colorful fantasy life fed by dime-store romances or pornography. We learn to enjoy the juicy intrigues and secrets of gossip. We make sure to maintain enough distance between ourselves and others, and even between ourselves and our own heart, to keep hidden the practical agnosticism we are living now that our inner life has been divorced from our outer life. Having thus appeased our heart, we nonetheless are forced to give up our spiritual journey because our heart will no longer come with us. It is bound up in the little indulgences we feed it to keep it at bay.
(The Sacred Romance, 2-3)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
This was a poem I wrote while on Spring Break my last year of college.... Enjoy
I was looking out the window at the barren trees and remembering summer with all it's twists and turns....
Tornado
It started with wind
Touching the trees lightly and
Tickling their leaves
Up next came the clouds
Dark and ominous, oozing
Over the prairie
Then came the wet rain
Gently at first, preceding the
Deafening downpour
The wind, once gentle
Now rages at the black sky
Trees tremble with fear
Furious, black, and twisted
A finger from the heavens
Reaches to the earth
Tenaciously the
Infant leaves cling to Mother
Her roots quake the ground
The finger rips, tears,
Uproots Mother, sucking her
To a splin’tring death
Quickly as it came
The villain leaves, a crooked
Path left in it’s wake
Death seems the only
King, but Mother still smiles
Her life did not end
Some infants live on
Though thrown to the ground, refuse
To be beaten now
In the path of death
Her fragile seeds bring new life
Beauty from the ashes
Clouds, once ominous
Now float happily above
The children of pain
Long ago one was
Beaten but now lives again:
It started with the wind
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